RaNts n BLeaHxD--the inner me.

Stand by me.

2011-07-05T01:23:00.005+08:00

Hi all..
i guessed i owe u,my readers alot of explanation for this.. hees.
well,honestly..u can say that love and life really caught up with me the past few mths as much as i try to run away.
Apart from family,school,church,giving tuition,my new job at nex build-a-bear workshop...

Life went on like an instant film, i could hardly catch my breath

if u have followed me dilligently like him, u would have realised that my post on 12th may was talking abt Being In Solitude
i do not deny.:)

looking at my schedule and how packed it is, i was ready and prepared for singlehood. happy and contented with solitude. All i need was to learn to save,go for my scuba diving licence,chill out with friends and love my family.
Ever since i turned 17, i thought i got the best gift when my best friend confessed to me. we were friends for close to 8 years.we got together and seriously,there is no doubt tt this r/s was gonna last..until things happened.
He left.....with another girl. i lost my best friend and boyfriend

I came back to God at CHC that following year. Took one year to recover..not mentioning the scars that were left behind.
Apart from this, I was also exposed to clubbing when i turned 18. Went on a clubbing frenzy. club after work/after school/after church.
Free passes and invites from zouk to wavehouse.
Fell in love with Cheer and gained loads of different work experiences from sentosa to sales line. Cheer at denvers was fun and all the friends ive made..makes me feel belonged somehow...yet, my scars remained unhealed.
these scars subconsciously affected my personal life...when i started to PLAY THE DATING GAME
this game was challenging or should i say, the one with the least commitment wins?
that was how it worked. so as expected, things never worked out. Commitment was not part of the game and the person who fails to respect that will be left behind.
I lost.

so for abt 4 mths, i took a break. for a breather. in the night..more clubbing and drinking with friends.
then 'T' came. it is amazing how i could get charmed by him. now that i think of it..it is pretty disappointing how i could be that into him. we even got together. anyway, he cheated and lied to me...about almost everything.i cried,i broke my gate,i suffered,i left..
My Life Was A Living Lie
my long straight hair was snapped,my clothes were changed. i was determined to let my emotions rule my body and mind.
despite telling myself tt i need to get over him.
so by the influence of some friends, they encouraged me to embrace singlehood.. literally. live the life that couples will never have. text and flirt around with as many guys as u want. Flings whether in the club or outside.. the key is..
DO NOT GET EMOTIONS INVOLVED WITH ANY FORM OF PHYSICALITY
i succeeded for awhile. but the same group of friends came and complicated the situation.Mixing me trying to date to playing around to another girl kissing this guy. it was confusing. tiring. and tedious even if u have already know that ur heart has been detached from ur life.

my goal for 21st is to release myself from all these complication

i didnt have a goodstart this year but i wanna change the outcome...thats why i got myself out from clubbing,drinking,and my crazy lifestyle. focused on school, and got a job where my first love was. THE LOVE FOR KIDS:)

no more crazies, just the new Stacey Tiana Koh trying to live up to her baptism name.
i wanna embrace singlehood in a different way. just as i described above. love God,family, friends,money.
i wanted to Live in Solitude
till someone special came..this guy whom i knew from children church ministry 1.5years ago came.
this guy who was bold enough...to ask me my reason behind solitude on 13th may. 4days after i thought abt 'T'
he was my eyecandy for awhile in church while i served.. i didnt expect anything to bloom from it.

However, i can never describe the feeling of bumping into him around church once every few mths when we would just stand there and talk like we were old friends...despite not having each other's contact details on fb,msn, not to mention hp.

when i started to ponder about this, God started working His Miracles on him,on me.<3
for two mths,we dated and got to kw each other better.
My love life was changing. though major events happened,(sending my sis to the hospital and sending his maid to the hospital a few weeks later) everything for the v first time,seems so natural and real. everything i prayed for and fantasize for.. Walks on the beach,cooking together,candies,we seem to complement each other's lives. till now,i do nt understand this connection we had...and i really hope that it is from Him.

For the very first time after a long time,Calvin..u make me feel that i was in a real relationship.

Calvin, i never told u this before..but u feel like my first love.

thank you, my love.For standing by me.

i Stacey Koh, Pray that u,Calvin Ng is the guy that Ive been searching and praying for all my life. And i want this to work out as much as u have Faith in US

Love montage,baby.

heres a sneak peak.

It'll happen when u least expects it.(:

2011-06-10T12:50:00.002+08:00

Taylor Swift-Mine. this song kidda rings in my head and my heart everytime i am with u.:) and yes,im gonna come up with a more accurate rendition.

CHORUS
Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents mistakes

We got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about

Chorus:
Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's(will) ever been mine

I was Bracing myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known..goodbye to love and hello to solitude.
And you took me by surprise, you said, "I'll never leave you alone"

You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

(Hold on, we'll make it last)
(Hold on, never turn back)
(Hold on) You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
(Hold on) You are the best thing that's ever been mine

(Hold on) Do you believe it?
(Hold on) We're gonna make it now
(Hold on) And I can see it
(Yeah, yeah, yeah) (I can see it now.)

THANK YOU.<3

my suuuuuper duper eventful week!

2011-05-23T12:22:00.002+08:00

hi all.

Last week was truly incredible..
Lets start off with sunday night,15th may,shall we?(:
i went to chill with ash and techun at haji lan,one of our regular sisha bars.
it was a fruitful evening and our heart-to-heart talks actually ended at 2am. i literally meant heart-to-heart talk including sensitive adult stuff btw guys and girls alike.
It somehow makes me realize that maturity and deeper understanding for one another only comes about when we could talk abt all these things without any sorta emotions or uneasy abt it so yeah,thanks guys(:
Chun and Ash,u are the only few guys who can do that maturely unlike some of my church friends(shall not mention names) who can be pretty shallow and narrow minded.ok,enough abt them...

Do u believe in doppelganger people?
Doppelgangers are people who resemble another person in their physical appearance and it is often believed that there is 6 other people in this world which looks just like u. if u accidentally meet ur doppelganger,the one with the stronger yin and yang will survive while the other will die.

I saw tommy's doppelganger while chilling at haji lane. He came with two other ladies and was sitting diagonally infront of me. ash and chun thought tt the alcohol is getting into my head and wanted to knock some sense into me but i can swear tt it was really his identical twin. it was creepy.
Then two days later on 17th may,eugene,me,del and bernard finally executed our 1yr old plan to visit casuarina for chilli crab,i saw him..the real T. OMG
the funny thing was..this whole gg to casuarina for dinner thing was impromptu,on the 11th hour after eugene n i had our beancurd. after the dinner,bernard and del admits tt they joined us only becoz they had 'unfinished business' with crabs coz it didnt satisfy their craving until tt evening. And when i told them abt seeing T here,it seems like it was time to finish my 'unfinished business'
i didnt do anything drastic though. it is pointless. he n his army mate walked pass me 3 times but i can truly say tt he saw me but didnt wanna admit it when i asked him where he was.
after receiving his reply..i kidda knew in my heart that it is time to let go...or any effort im gonna do to help him is probably gna be in vain. i truly dont believe tt someone can be so dense..
One thing is for sure,tommy lim. i kw you. u are capable of hiding everything and till now,nothing has changed.u can try harder to get my attention coz at least now,i kw.. u dont seem to deserve it. No apologies.

these are the two major events..i suppose. i cant really rmb wat i had on wed to fri other than work at cyberia and school. got jynette a job here at cyberia and shes good.:)oh,and yeah..we hung up with cy and watched 'paul' it was really funny though they should cut down on the christianity jokes:/

work and study.work.work.work and hang out..ok i need to study more! omg. gta start on my assignments!!!!!!!

My Darlings.

2011-05-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

hey..
been hearing alot of feedbacks abt the post i made.
my dear friends,pls do not take it personal.
the point which i am trying to make is that..i really thank you and appreciate you guys for always being there for me,standing by me. i kw i shouldnt blame u if u guys nv went thru my predicaments..and I DONT.
my prev post was really alot more abt assuring myself that ive to do some things alone.
solitude is an option i chose.PLEASE DO NOT GET OFFENDED.

but u guys chose to love.

kiran,parv,yen,irving,claudia,jiahao,jynette,ash,noel..my Godbro,reagan and caspar,i thank you and really appreciate you<3
u guys are probably the reason why despite my 4 yrs of staying in faith with the church,i can never be close to them. I am alright with that. Christians are not flawless. In fact, most i kw are pretty flawed like me but u guys chose to love and stay by my imperfections.=)

no words can describe the kind of love u people have showered upon me.

i sensed it. and i appreciate it.:)
from a simple sms of encouragement to a joyride on a motorbike(yes,ah hao. coincidentally,i had a tough awkward evening until u met me)

These are the little things i will remember for life. Just wanna say that all these will not go in vain and no matter how down and out i feel or just merely alone walking in life,i would not give up.
the song i posted on my archive is for you guys.
Thanks for the Love

Life

2011-05-12T00:28:00.002+08:00

Well..recently,i just realized abt this function called "active notes" in my nokia E72 after two years of acquiring this phone.(-__-)
And apparently,in this active notes,i could actually write notes. OMG..BIMBO. Hence, i just like to share with ya the things that ive been saving in my notes column before i become accused by my avid readers and friends like u guys who bothers abt my life.:)
thanks.
it is from the earliest to the latest post which is today.. so yeah,i would find the last few dates more relevant than it is. u will also notice that 29/04 is quite de ja vu to the may posts as u scroll down. God do works in miraculous ways that one can nv expect.

here it goes:

29/04/2011
U cant change life but u cant change the way you live life.
U cant change the events that has/will happen in your life but u can definitely change the outcome.
So make a choice, my dear one.
Live life frivolously and push the responsibilities of your many foul plays to the guy who shattered your heart into pieces years ago.
Or
Get back on the long winding road,
Tedious yet with a clear clean conscience.
----------------------------------------------------
05/05/2011
i met up with jynette and chuiyin(my long lost sec school classmates!) for l4d2.
been constantly wondering what caused us to still remain friends and keep in touch after 2-3yrs of being in different schools with a whole load of new enviroment. even back in the old days,we were all v different. Jynette sleeps in class, Cy will be hiding in one corner with all her mangas while i'll be with the noisy ones..trying to study and talk at the same time. But i felt quite blessed today..we bonded over dinner and the game even though it took us 4 tries to finish the last level.
--we actually worked together.<3

it amazes me becoz after i lost my only best friend 3 yrs ago, the truth is.. i never expected anything more than living in solitude.I am my own hero,my own knight in shining armour whether or not dating someone or in a r/s.
I get myself into the mess n I'll get myself out.
Friends do help along the way. But since my past r/s,i ran my own race. Literally as well.
Church was a refuge though fellowship within was far from it. Everyone is just so divided in their own lives,alot of things to work out. and honestly,i havent found someone who could be there for me.
Friends step in to lend a listening ear,but i began to realize thats all they could do. None had solutions and talking and brooding came to bottomless ends.
Even to my closest and longest pals, they knew and told me themselves that i was the strongest relationally to go thru what ive been through last year.

Till now,nothing changed.

sometimes,i even dreamt of talking to u..us just sitting down recalling everything that has happened in our lives like wat we used to do

but when u become your own hero, u fight your own war.
Heroes do not trust anyone but themselves.
This is the harsh reality.
----------------------------------------------------------------
09/05/2011
Talking to you is like courting my psychological death..
Digging right deep into my emotional grave,Burying myself alive.
N yet..not talking to you and ignoring you is like rejection from a dream course. Painful.
which many would kw,u deserve it...
U make me stuck.
Time for me to weigh the pros and cons...N rmb what brought me here..make me who i am today.
It wasnt you.
-------------------------------------------------------------
11/05/2011(today)
Each relationship have its own share of smiles and scars. Now,the underlying question is.. are you gonna let those scars be so visible in your life or remember the smiles that were left behind?
A friend once mentioned that pain is when weakness leaves the body...
U can choose to grow stronger in this process..or allow that weakness to sip off whatever's left within you.

Your Choice.

something to ponder about.
stacey scribbles...

Life.. Love is not a fairytale

2011-04-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

Recently, or rather just a few days back..i caught two movies namely SHREK 4ever after and Easy A..and thought maybe it'll be good to reflect upon it.

u might think there is REALLY NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT these two Movies but honestly,i was quite intrigued by the meanings behind the movies.
take Shrek for example,this movie brought back alot of memories..good and bad.

I remember how much i wanted to catch this movie soo badly when i was still with...him just coz claudia kept teasing him tt he looks like shrek,in terms of his body mass and all. Then,when things didnt work out..this movie became the top of my hate list.
sigh,well..i managed to garner my courage to watch this at last and yeah..i learned quite abit.
Shrek:
"i wished things were just like before.. probably even before i saved you from the castle."
Fiona,Shrek's Wife only reply was:
"U have three beautiful kids, a wife that loves you, friends that care and support you and yet,the only person who is not seeing this is YOU."

i felt sad when i heard that line. It is really True that complacency do take a big part of You away from who you already are and i admit i am complacent too.
However,all these began when Shrek finally Growl like a monster he used to be and flared up..and ended when it showed shrek experiencing this as his worst case scenerio after that growl which landed him to abandon his family for RAPUNSTILSKIN's master plan.
But the main point i learned was..

Life aint a fairytale like Shrek. U cant take back everything that was said and done and redo life again.

this brings me to Easy A.

"if you do the crime, you do the time"

Everything we do have consequences.Sometimes,it just boils down to how deep the trouble you will get when u are doing the crime...to such an extent of deliberately holding a provocative dance item in the school bball court just to get everyone to watch ur live webcast aka UR CONFESSION.:)

lol..sometimes,i am really amazed how God might just wanna teach you or affirms you on a faith or principle u may have in your life from a mere behavior of someone to a Hollywood Movie like these two..i must admit that ive been feeling very discouraged about my finances and emotional issues lately..one of those valley moments in a Christian Walk with God but reflecting upon these movies just assures me about the above pointers.:)

then again..it is v difficult to remain positive esp when u are not working and having a school holidays.
(quote merrill,"the devil attacks best when ur life stagnates")
I get v cranky at home. Bored to tears when my friends are not free to hang out. and sick..physically when loved ones at home spread the germs..like how im curbing with a terrible painful throat and wondering how am i gonna jam on sunday after the after effects of fever and cough.
im emotionally sick as well..certain matters which i chose to put aside for now to prevent my immerse overwhelming paranoia and panic attack im sooooo capable of when i start thinking abt it.(-____-)

SIM friends today.......jbjbjbjbjbbjbjbjbjbjbjb...tmr.
CANT WAIT!

my unproductive evening.

2011-02-07T23:57:00.003+08:00

omgosh.
i wasted my evening!!!!
i am supposed to be doing my individual assignment on leadership but im slacking off!!!!argh.
DARN FB DARN Youtube
most of ALL,DARN STACEY
went for a run just now.
feeling sooooo fat..though i try not to eat so much titbits on cny.i still feel fat.
guessed bishaners all thought the same and went to exercise.active was crowded.
havent seen so many ppl on a monday evening before...
i had koi just now also coz my baby joyce wanted to treat me.=D

no more slacky slacky......................still in CNY mood.
VICTORIA AND PRISSY ROCKS. my cousins totally rocks man!we own the karaoke for 2 nights. i kidda lost the urge to gamble after my baptism last nov so when i do try to play,i lost money.(-___-)
-----four days of non stop visiting,late nights and karaoke----FUN! still counting....

i was in fact,practising the songs for jamming with the boys.
royston wanted to duet need u now by lady antebellum. and of course,theres my fav: at the beginning by donna lewis and richard marx.
msging ppl at the same time..LOL

smhow,i'm giving some thought into relational matters now tt joyce gt attached.
she was sharing them with me abt her problems...though as much as i can,i wanna stay out of a r/s.
im scared honestly.
scared of what can actually happen in a r/s.
i thought abt him again while talking to joyce.
it is awful sometimes...when i think of u,it is abt the sweet memories we shared..even how,we met.
and yes,joyce has been teasing me abt vampire(who didnt come to class today!)
im just not ready.
not at all..

as much as feb 14 draws near,i do believe i have enough share of different guys spending that day with.
i want my girls now.
=)

JAN 2011

2011-01-18T02:56:00.004+08:00

---IT IS 2011---
i had a warm-hearted evening with beloved CK,PEISHAN and weiqing on new yr eve before jiahao and the guys came to join us and of course elise babe.

then things went abit crazier with the guys arm wrestling and later,all of us camwhoring.ck lost every round.ahahahhaha.
and madness when we have to spend one hr walking out of marina barrage while daddy was frantically looking for me whilst gg in circles. and of course,there were other things when we came back to bishan...shant elaborate.:)

anw,1st jan to 4th jan was the TRIp.pls do see photos on fb though im not exactly proud of it:P
and EEVANN finally CLUBBED.
lol.had an AWESOME LADIES' night with him and shihui and kiran and parv and some others.:)attica and butter makes gd combination!so does beer and rasberry vodka.LOL
jan16-icecream with taekwondo ppl and chill out with ASHHHHHHHHH.....
so here i am..jan 17/18.
back to school
orientation was nothing more than a briefing. i suddenly miz the candies and t-shirts which SIM normally gives.zzz.mehh and i practically stoned. i wanted more from SMa.:(
which orientation lasted for half hr so from 1030am onwards,
i had nothing to do other than spamming coffee and a storybook until 2pm. OMG.
thanks for lunching wif me,eugene!!!but u were late.ahaha.

i hope it will be a better day and a better week ahead.
made a few friends.:)
God Bless Me.

the moonlight stars flickers upon the dark blue sky
as innocent as they may seem,they are a symbol of human hopes and dreAMS
glancing at them never fails to bring peace unto me
yet flashes of you...
entangles me
determined however i am not to let u know
im trying my best to set me free

DO NOT HINDER ME

Jesus is just a prayer away.call unto Him,mr angel.
and let Him guide ur ways.

i think i am changing.
within me..i am not the same.
negatively.

stacey tiana koh signing off...

the 'ANGEL' in disguise

2010-12-18T01:03:00.002+08:00

You were the Angel i thought i saw in my dreams..
Under the kaleidoscope of lights..i was blinded.
Drawn by your presence,
You seem perfect.

Strong,Tanned,well-built..Pleasant looking.
What more could i expect from superficiality?
U chased the 'crooks' away.
we held hands and danced...the night away.
we talked.
i got to know you more.
U had your dreams and aspirations.
i had mine...
and for some unknown reason,i began sharing my deepest dreams and secrets with you.

U know..and u know i will fulfill it when i said it.

u didnt stop me.. u even encouraged me.

U can say that i was charmed..Charmed by your sweetness and tenacity beneath that masculine appearance..
No matter how much U have changed..
No matter how much pain you have put me through,
I told myself that i cant deny the fact that i have never loved u.
i defy the fact which my friends are saying...'that u can never love someone whom u just met in a mere few months.'

i cannot bring myself to forget you.
you were just different..words i have yet to describe.

Now,u are sorry.
But the wounds and the scars remain so fresh.

I cant talk to you...and yes,i do not wish to be bounded by you and your words anymore till you prove ur worthiness.
u make me so vulnerable..mr 'ANGEL'

yes i kw... i kw..:D

2010-12-15T18:49:00.003+08:00

Dear lovelies!
yes i kw my blog is almost non-existence.hahaha.. maybe i should do a revamp end of this yr or smth and stick a post it in my head to remember to blog.hehe.
im just sooo lazy..
and sometimes,i was told not to think too much.so equals to if i dun think,i have nothing to write.if i have nothing to write,i dun blog.lol
anyway,here i am now..talking to u guys eventhough i kw i dun have much viewers coz of my lack of trust from avid readers to rmb to blog..
hehe.

yes,im done with SINGTEL.MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.third day actually.hehe. my four mths close to five mths there has been relatively enjoyable.:D
boring and mundane after awhile...no need for eye candies coz it is an all girls environment.
i met some new friends..just like to thank MAG for everything she has done.(which includes employing me.:)) and thanks for adhering to all my latecomings! and the little lunch treats she will give us almost once every mth.
Mag,dinnie and the two young ones..xinyi and jane were sweet enough to send me off by treating me to the taiwan porridge buffet on my last day on dec 10.
it was like back to St.margs sisterhood again. mag actually told a white lie to kelly that we were at the kopitiam eating. im sorry but i really dun mean to offend her but shes detestable.she gets chaffeaured to and from work,sleeps during lunch..gets mag(who is prolly ten yrs her senior)to buy her lunch..and only gets up to go to the toilet.
oh wells. gone with her.

all i want for CHRISTMAS IS HOLIDAYS!!!
4dec-6th dec:yep..i went to bATAM wif mum,dad and sher coz of a performance event she had to help out.didnt really do much there.had my bubble bath(i used up two bottles of foam but there was no bubbles!!)shopping(i ended up accompanyin daddy to get his pants while i didnt buy anything):X

13th dec: jb with yen.custom was alright. the first time we went,we actually waited 3hrs so yeap,managed to reach jb in less than an hr:D shopped around. and i bought a stylo sports fashion bag for 20RM!!!!!LOL.
14th dec: daddy wanted to pump petrol. woot! it is like 70 to 80RM for a full tank while in SG,u pay $90.tell me abt it.zzz
15th dec:let the picture do the talking.
weeeee~ondeh ondeh.

im planning to try out receipes this week before i go to malacca over the weekends.hehe.kudos!

gosh,my sucky english.been soo out of touch with books..i sooo need to catch up.

CRAZY WEEKS!

2010-09-13T01:03:00.003+08:00

omg...ive been having consecutively crazy weekends.
have just no idea how to describe to u.LOLLOLOl
really bz week. packed with meeting ppl and all.

starting last fri,went for cell n bryan took us on a wacky ride down from eunos to thomson..this is the first time stacey stones at prata and cannot eat.:(:(
DARNED Ulcers.
then sat after svc,we went to eat at citylink taiwan cafe before heading down to eastcoast to chill at duffy mulphy,an irish pub.bryan and ck were having a race on the way there and mind u,bryan's van speed limit is supposingly at 70km/hr!!!
so ck and i are out for our crazy idea again and decided to go clubbing..LOL.

i havent club for four mths after everything that has happened.

cut my hair,changed my image,changed my course...
guessed thats wat love do to u.
thats why my babies like kiran and parv had to come straight to my hse and drag me out of my slumber.
so having said that,im not supp to have the urge to club.:P
sigh.ck,jiahao and i went powerhouse tt night,had a gd chat with jiahao after having not met for like 2yrs??! he changed alot.though we were still reminiscing abt the gd old days.:)
and i actually woke up to serve at CHILDREN"S CHURCH!!!muahahah.miz my leroy and reagan too much

IN SUMMARY,
mon-work,more OT thanks to COmex and ppl buyin iphones like crazies.
tues-work,tuition then dinner and pub with my beloved eugene and dawn.we stayed up till 2am
wed-work,sleep for an hr or less..accompanied sammie to ladies night at powerhse again.her soo called farewell before she go China with yy.lol. CK tagged along and we gt scolded by the bouncer for riding a motorbike round and round the powerstation like a race track.hahah.
thurs-came hm at 5am,slept at 5.30am..woke up at 7.30am and went to work,slept thru lunch..before meeting mahanas at dhoby ghaut again at 7.30pm(lol,we were supp to meet at 7 though,im sorry for coming at 7.30)hehe
fri-HAPPY HARI RAYA!!!
no work..MUAHAHAHAHAH..stacey officially concussed at home.refused to drag myself out to meet bryan and linkai and jiahui for dinner and icecream

sat is here again.
i met up with shihui and xiaoyu,IRVING CHEN PANGSEH US AGAIN!!!-_________-"
so we ate at v8 cafe after my svc for dinner at bugis and went down to tiong bahru to transit to holiday inn for our drinks! for some reason,my dear small fish drank something so toxic,she PUKED....in ck's car on our way to club at arena.
it was all over her dress so she had to get out and change...so ck,jarryl and i spent some time to clean up the car in the middle of zirca's carpark.
kidda chaotic for awhile but in the end,ck and i sent my xiaoyu home to change but she didnt wanna come out anymore.SIGH.the party was for HER FAREWELL TO UK.

secondly,my dear ck brought along an UNDERAGED girl.-_________-
so we had to find xiaoyu's ic to get her in.
so sorry to shihui's friend who signed us in man.i know ck is capable of stupid things but i didnt kw he will do such a nonsensical thing.
sigh.
it was fun overall,but kidda defeated our purpose meeting up for dinner..thanks to IRVING CHEN.coz shihui and xiaoyu and i alr met up on thurs with the mahanas.
zzz
i just have to emphasize that.

here are some pictures!go fb for the rest.

i know i may seem to be having fun..
but i cant help but reiterate that..no one can beat the groove in you.
and honestly,i feel that ive changed.
gg back to arena was a huge step for me..i was reluctant in any ways even when i was on guest list.
Clubbing will nv be the same again.
and i nv knew someone like you would make me change soooo much,t.

if thats what u want to kw.

stacey scribbles.

2010-08-15T16:08:00.002+08:00

Hi guyyyss!I know that it have been ages since I last blogged..my office only haf limited connectivity to govt web and single.zzz
Hehh...I know I am suppose to put up the photos frm
but lol,not at home nw..using my uncle's ipad at his place..awesome shit.just not used to the keyboard yet.so for photos,do check fb.that constantly gets updated even when I dun go online.Muahahahah.
Work has been bz lately
Prolly coz of the weekends holidays ppl go.and the recent national day hols.
Got acquainted with new ppl in my office.Lol!
All girls' environment..I see it as a good form of detoxification for the upcoming few mths before I start school.
Had enough of drama...if u kw wat I mean.;)
Kiran and par crashed my place on Friday evening..I attempted to entice them with cheese fries and tones of DVDs and cable but nooooo,they just came and was like,"stacey,change and we r hitting the clubs tonight!OMG..
Honestly,I missed their company a lot..but was a little disappointed tt they wanted to club.
I've seen the ugliness of wat goes on inside.
And how such a lifestyle could change the guy I loved..that's why I was really reluctant.
Then again..I had to be there to protect my beloved...
Some asshole was trying to curry favor with kiran n par..prolly coz of my romper and spiked up hair..he gt intimidated by me..
Fuck off and get lost..they r nt interested.roll eyes n pull them aside.
Sigh..no emo nw..it's over.
Met cas ytd.hope everything turns out ok with Fiona.blueberry nat a de coco is GOOD!

Kk gtg..

TIOMAN(WITHOUT THE PHOTOS YET)

2010-07-09T09:36:00.004+08:00

HEYYYYYY!
im back from tioman.1 evening ago.
it was an AWESOME trip.totally new breakaway from singapore.
got to know some new frens of krystal and felicia...and of course,vanessa too.

haha..this shall be a random written post.im still waiting for felicia and bertrand to post up the pictures on fb..after all,pictures speak a thousand words.. better than having me ramble on non-stop like a whining baby.
so everyone...just IMAGINE!!!!! for now.....

-the scenery,the lovely clear blue waters....one word,WOW!
Imagine waking up every morning with this sight. Our chalet rooms were just beside the beach but i nv managed to wake up early to see the sunrise.hehs. though i really wanted to.
swam every single day..and yesh,merrill..im tanned now. hahs,came back with sunburns all over my upperback..only realised it ytd evening after work,sammie was sweet enuff to rub aloe vera for me.:)
was actually wishing to take a longer break but nah. my contract with ntuc link is gonna end soon..3rd week this mth before i start working with singtel.

it was really worth the money.i only spent $165 sing dollars for 4days there. this includes snorkelling and scuba diving. the owners were v friendly.they actually allow us to keep the snorkelling equipment throughout our stay there.
---------Scuba diving was the BEST!!!!!!
i FOUND NEMO!!! and saw an angelfish! not to mention all the exotic corals. nicholas and boris saw a SEA TURTLE!!!OMG.. they were soo rare,even the guide clapped her hands and exclaimed under the oxygen mask.haha...vanessa and i went 5m underwater while they only went 2.5m :/

we chilled at the rockfall(waterfall) within the forest..haha,imagine beach boys and bikini tank top clanned girls trekking into the forest with slippers!
our random routine of breakfast swimming/snorkel/scuba-dive..tanning( for bertrand only!haha) to chilling along the beach cafe and talking till the late nights..oh,and how can i forget..

-the SEAFOOD!!!!for 48RM,we got a stingray as big as ur keyboard.(im not kidding u)
120 satays(ordered by the boys)everynite..
and that second nite,we had sotong and otah as well..(after splitting with 8of us,we each pay only abt sing $15(30RM)
-ramli burger and teh terik will be supper for us if we r hungry.
-magnum icecream was only 4RM!!!!! noel will love this place!

i realised tt i need teh terik to fall asleep.or at least, yuan yang and teh tarik to have a beautiful dream.haha..

if ure a water baby or looking for a place to just rest and relax,and sometimes,doing absolutely nothing..TIOMAN is the best place for u.:)
works for me...;0

i love tioman teh terik

things i want to do:
-get a waterproof camera!!!(or sth that i brignf many feets underwater)
-scubadiving licence.
-swim more!!!like wat i did at tioman
-return to tioman
-send mummy and daddy there on a holiday in the future.(they need some time out):P

things i need to do:
-apply my new course.
-driving btt!!!!ahhhh
-guitar lessons
-MY PAY FROM NTUC LINK

i looked beyond the vast ocean and the open sea...and constantly asked myself..
why i cant forget u just like that.
i almost cried in my dreams,seeing u hug me closer as i sleep...
seeing u swim with me.ure the only guy capable of distracting me

i scribbled ur name on the sand..
but the only letter that was left was the letter

Y

i know im the one who wanted to let u go.
and i should be the one to forget u nw.
but no...
how long isit gonna take...?

stacey scribbles..

CRAZYYYYYYYYYY

2010-07-02T10:00:00.003+08:00

-one more week of giving tuition,hanging out with frens,and my 9-6.30pm job has passed!!!!~~~~

really counting on God to Bless ME with strength and inner wisdom

i thought it thru and i think i would take on the singtel credit management job at somerset.the timings are more suitable.(8.30 to 6pm frm monday to thursday and 8.30 to 5.30pm on fridays)
except tt the pay will be lower..no extra bonuses..just standard $6.50/hr and 9plus for OT.
i figured tt this timings will suit my schedule now tt im still teaching tuition and i need my social life as well as my RUNNING AND SWIMMING TIME BACK!

i feel fat and lazy just sitting here typing and doing ad-hoc stuff...
hahs..
cant bear to give up on the kids anyway. auntie has been really nice to me,sharing with me her career choice and all. I really believe tt this is wat i wanna do in the future as well :)
UOB travel.somewhat outdoors and sharing ppl abt services.meeting top clients,new people and FRee holidays!!!ahahaha..the best is,time is in ur hands!!!!!

and i learned tt ive been so bz with my own life tt im starting to forgo ppl around me..SORRY GUYYS!!!!(shaun,i kw i owe u a phonecall)

so i met the mahanas on tuesday and we got dragged one big round by MR NGO HUA BOON,MARK who cried wolf when he told us tt his car was missing and we went back to look for him just to find tt he has drove off. shrugs!
had a gd catching up session with benedict. he was soo sweet by writing a letter and drawin something for atikah who is gg away to m'sia to study for 4yrs.:)

Called ving ytd and i gt scolded for being BUSYBODY!!!stupid boy.
i was just being concerned. he still threaten me tt hes gonna tell my mum tt im playing water sports at tioman.HAH...i doubt THY CAPABILITY,my dear!

Honestly,just as ive decided to put my heart and mind into doing the impossible and pursuing my dream job in future..by waiting to switch into my dream course in Uni,busying myself with work..

i still feel conflicted inside. emotionally. But at the same time,i kw im not alone..(nick,i kw wat ure gg thru)
All that shit tt happened a few mths back. all that lies,tt drama..
life have just toned down alot on me rite now. Should i be glad?
i do not kw..

Im happy just keeping a lowkey for now. Sometimes,ALONE time and taking time away without everyone feels appropriate now. maybe tts why im happy to be left alone now.
hahs,i think ive changed.
for the better or worse??
u can judge me urself..i'll kw if u care:)

things yet to be done:
-apply my date for driving..BTT.
-spend time with AMBER.(my guitar)
-SAVE MONEY

TIOMAN IN 2 days!!!!!!!!

HEYY

2010-06-30T17:07:00.002+08:00

haha...how cool is that? server's down for the whole ntuc network!1st to 15th floor
they r still fixing it..
a few moments ago to be exact, my colleagues were all snacking away and chit chatting abt some local artistes acting downstairs..
ive a feelin tt they were just poly project students..haha
but didnt say anything. dun wanna spoil the fun..
hahaha
kah leong,this colleague of mine..a new friend took off for the nx three days.
lol..i guessed i wont be talkin much to the rest of them then.
had a gd chat with terry,my boss.
hmmm...

argh...still caught in the dilenma of two singtel jobs.
either inbound calls or outbound calls???.

ok..im bloggin rather discreetly
gtg.

grandma,stay strong!im coming.

RAWR RAWR RAWR

2010-06-28T10:13:00.003+08:00

PHEW yet another week of holding two jobs @_@
BY GOD'S GRACE, i am still alive. i am not tired out.(::)

went for my granduncle's wake on thursday last week.
it sucks to acknowledge the harsh reality tt good men had to die young.
he was a really good man,got bounded by stroke and was wheelchair bound for 10yrs. he just had a chicken pox and perhaps,we r guessing that it caused a toil on his immunity.
passed away with a heart attack.

he was only 59.
no kids..(three godkids)
i couldnt control my tears when he was transported to the furnace.
sigh..pray that grandaunt will be okay.

bbq @ terence's place.
del reminded me of someone..heart wrecking.i cant seem to forget him...somehow. but By Faith,i really pray that time will heal

the norturnal creature turns office girl

i am starting to get used to life here for 8.5hrs of my day every five days a week.
prolly coz the people are really friendly and sociable.
Despite the fact that im the youngest here. LOL..not to mention all the happy old men from the respective unions come to collect their cards. greeting everyone early in the morning.(:
Sometimes, from these older folks,i get to learn insights about life,different aspects of it and the need to work independently for 8.5hrs. wah..im amazed tt i could do that nw without talking for a few hrs straight.

most importantly,i learnt tt i shld pursue my interests no matter hw hard it might take,financially.
so sadly enuff,i cant rest on my laurels and continue working here as well unless they r looking for customer service officer.

tuition tonight,ZACCHEUS CHEW..pls do ur homework.or else...................!!!

hmmmmmmm...got a singtel offer.
interview's tmr. wish me luck.;)

IT's A FAITH THAT WONT BE SHAKEN, IT'S A LOVE THAT SEES NO FEARS,
IT'S A STRENGTH BEYOND ALL MEASURES
FOR I KNOW URE HERE,
FOR I KNOW URE HERE.:)

stacey scribbles.

RUNNING with giants of faith.

2010-06-23T12:45:00.002+08:00

yet another day
comes and go away
a day of fun
a day of laughter
a day of watever, whenever..

at the office now,it is lunch break..
stacey is SAVING MONEY!!!!how often do u hear me saying that?! this diehard shopaholic.
mummy made bread for me to bring to the office..

im also frantically looking for job as much as i can since this ntuc link office only signed me for a month.
sigh,really thought i could get the uob travel assignment.
maybe they can let me work part-time when i start school;)
ARGH.............

cant wait for tioman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'no regrets now,babe.' i tell myself everyday
it is time to do justice for urself in ALL aspect of ur life.

prolly not the personal part.....yet.

stacey scribbles.

bleah

2010-06-17T09:49:00.002+08:00

im at my current workplace now.hmm...
life has been taking a big toil within myself,but i think im emerging stronger everyday.

ive started to realise tt i shld stop neglecting my own well-being anymore.
i cannot do wat ppl say,or watever they want.
i need tostart giving myself wat i deserve

the best

The Fairy's Tale

2010-05-19T00:46:00.002+08:00

I saw a Pixie in my dream,
She shimmers,dazzles and filled with Glee.
Dancing and Prancing in the sky
She blends into the darkness
Of the clear blue night.

She came closer as I speak,
Watching me with curiosity.

Step by Step, she flutters by
Tapping my shoulders as she flies.

Her angelic touch was soft and Mild,
With a gentle voice,she hums
a melodious sound.

Though she was little and petite,
Her joyful presence,playful words comforts me.

"Boys are Toys,Please do not sigh"
They are Male by Birth,but Man by Choice

Sing as you please.
Dance as you like.
Live your Life with no regrets
As boys are not worth it,
Your tears nor your sweat.

stacey scribbles.....29/4/10,1130pm

Isit so difficult for me to ask for some time and breathing space?
If u trust me,u wouldnt doubt me..u wouldnt doubt me at all even if i just request for that.
Who am i exactly to u now?
When will u stop deceiving yourself?

IF I REALLY MEAN SOMETHING TO U,WILL U TRUST GOD AND HAVE A LITTLE FAITH? COZ IT IS ONLY WHEN U ARE WILLING TO LET GO, BEFORE I COULD LEARN TO TRUST U AGAIN

Superficiality

2010-04-29T02:03:00.002+08:00

Life, is nothing more than a journey
A journey of Faces.
Faces of various shapes and colour.
Some of these faces pleases the eyes
while others...rebuke at it.

Seemingly,these faces evokes Superficiality
Signifying an absolutely shallow world.

People often say that faces determine character,
or rather,brings out the personality within a person.
But, have you ever wondered
that these faces are merely just...a fascade?

Yes,these fragile delicate expressions may present
happiness or life beyond all boundaries.
However, will u ever consider the overwhelming emptiness beneath these mask?

stacey scribbles.

this is just a poem i came out with while i was mugging for stats!
gosh...stupid paper! i wished RMIT could just erase it off the syllabus or spare me from taking it ever AGAIN!:)

life cant get any worse after everything tt i went through this study break..
i guessed..im practically numb to it,coz of the exams that are ongoing..

yes..my regular routine for the past month haD been:
brunch,study till abt 7,run,dinner,study again till 1plus2am,quiet time and sleep.

it has solely been reduced to this cycle but pretty fruitful u can say;)

cant wait for may 5th..two more papers to go.

STAYING and STANDING WITH YOU,LORD.

LIFE

2010-03-29T22:21:00.003+08:00

As the light burns out,
Darkness descends.

In the midst of the darkness,however
One could feel relaxed and pampered, smoldered by the high life of alcohol and music.
The world begin spinning all around you,
Everything seems to be under your control.
You were the power of the night.

But as time began to fly,things start to change.
Love got into the way,
Playing hero wins the day.

For better or for worse,it is your fate to decide.
To continue with this hyped yet superficial life
Or strive for success...through the narrow tedious way.

stacey scribbles.....
just something i feel for.
and i just pray i havent lost my touch with literature.:)
:)

lalaalallala

2010-03-17T19:46:00.007+08:00

talk about two whole weeks the other time...i guessed i was virtually Missing in Action for the past three months.heh..oops.

I AM SOOOOO SORRY ABOUT THAT,MY BELOVED REaDERS!

ive to admit i am after all not the very virtual person..i love to talk,rant irritate and even annoy some of u guys in person.hees. thats just me.:)

i still recall Christmas night,the mahanas crashed benedict's place and everyone except kenyon,xiaoyu and pork got sooo wasted. shihui made history tt day though,puked for three hrs straight in the toilet.LOL.
(i'm sorry girl,but u were seriously adorable tt day)hahaha

Since then,it has been a very meaningful three mths...Everything that went by happened soo fast that i cant even catch my breATH.:)

BATAM TRIP WIF KIRAN AND BHU..
there is the new cell group in Church,CNY and my family's traditions to celebrate all 15days...my SIM frens came over though. my hse feels like a disneyland to the girls when they were amused by the number of stuffed animals.lol.milton,shaun and dawn cant stop gambling.LOL. dawn was soo high,she was laughing to herself.soo cute!

school,tests,mkting project,mahana outing,nite cycling wif the guys,house party,clubbing-girls' nite out(wif different cliques)..
met some new people..one of whom is VERY close to my heart.;)
i shall let the pictures do the talking.:P

2009-12-21T21:10:00.002+08:00

hey guys~_~ how r ya all,folks?

i kw ive been MIA virtually for the past two wks..lol!no doubt abt that.
going online can be a really big challenge for me during the holidays,honestly speaking.

my trust got betrayed here.friendships ceased itself into existence before my very eyes..awkwardness happen when chemistry reacts from one to another,before we just stopped talking altogether...so its hard sometimes for me..pls understand.i fear the virtual world.

Hence,i would prefer to talk on the phone or meet ppl up.it is more personal,i feel.. and though im a noisy person,i need peace and tranquility inside.so call or text me without hestitation..:)
ok..screw these serious talk..

so yea,after working at the warehouse..we got recruited to the sale..wee!2-4th dec.club at rebel with charan and cas(baby godbro)on 5th,came home at 7am mind u..but well, bro and i has done watever we wanted to accomplish for months.so we went to eat our mac breakfast..and on 7th,we cycled and sped down ecp and changi..(at least,i did.he roller bladed while accompanying fiona)LOL.i felt like a big lightbulb there thanks to him.
8th-sleepover at shivani's place with parv,kiran and huifern.
we thrashed the shit out of everything that went on for the past 3 years we havent seen each other..but im just glad..glad things turn out well and our friendship is forged once again.
10th-the day i stayed at home and wrote on fb..zzz,for being a very good girl,soo many ppl tag me saying that they dun believe.haha.but it was really sherlyn's bdae bbq..josh came down to cook,eat and set up the fire for me.we talked before i met reagan(first god bro) who came to my hse to finish up the curry mummy cooked.haha
cant rmb where i went on the 11th.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14th to 16th-cell group chalet!!!
we had loads of fun..apart from them playing guitar heroes until 5.30am.oh God!
i adore the swinging chair at the courtyard..it was also appreciation nite for the first day..e222 is going to multiply.(split into two)and yea,im gonna be separated from claudia and kaiqi..and grace and all the others to be one of the oldest gal in the other cellgroup.
it was a heart-wrenching time for all of us la..despite the fact that there were 32 of us,we were pretty close.sigh.but grace knew..and cld see the potential inside us,and knew we will do better there.i dun blame her.just wanna make her proud.:)
we were chioster man,after checking out from nsrcc,we headed straight to roll's hse to swim..some went soccer.junni and i took our time at the sauna at his place and
ck thought we left him.haha.
17th-i KO after the wk's activity and woke up in the late afternn to meet the mahanas in town to watch avatar.
18th-met shumin to go shop for our mortal's presents.lol and we got lost at queensway..dun ask me how.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
that spells my wk...and tmr,mahanas are having a bbq at shihui's hse.and etc..

KELVIN LOWIS,Frankie:
Damaged people are dangerous.They know they can survive it.

it should be quite apparent now as to why im alwaes quoting this.
stacey scribbles...

let the pictures do the talking for the chalet.

work and play.

2009-12-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

phew...its been a long week!
but rather fun filled..:)quite a balance to my fun and play two wks ago.
for the past wk,i was working at new balance.grace's bf eugene recommended us the job.("for those ppl who finished their exams and have nothing better to do")LOL.
its a new experience really..working at the warehouse..even though it has only been a four days assignment,we were totally tired out.(-_-)shacked after every day.

rolland and i got one of the worst spots for the first day..the corner with no fans and ventilation..nothing but racks of cartons and a loud radio blaring through the warehouse..we were there for practically 5hours and our shirts were soaked with sweat just after lunch...
then again,nothing can be compared to the atmosphere..lighthearted and fun.i wanna find a company like this next time man! imagine coming to office everyday in sports shoes,tee shirt and jeans..using the conference table as a lunch table and walking into a showroom for next yr's design?!its just SPLENDID!:):)
-staceywasey is OFFICIALLY a new balance FAN!---

i hurt my toe while coming to work on wed and eugene's colleague loaned me a pair of NB shoes for that day.the feeling was soo comfortable.its like im floating with every step,no kidding!all these despite the workload we had on hand that day.:)
throughout the whole experience,i also got acquainted better with junni,char,bryan and esp roll whom we spent at least two days together with shoes and apparels.haha.(funny when roll had to sort out the sports bra)ROFLOL
on friday...despite talkin on the phone with christine till 5am,guessed my body clock began switching to early bird mode(9plus10?) and accompanied mummy and daddy to somewhere interesting..their childhood HANGOUTS!^_~
old kallang airport road..my mum misses the food there and she ordered soo many things.LOL.and yea,i guessed it just feels really warm to be surrounded by them telling me about their childhood days and how daddy used to bully mummy..LOl and oh,my PARENTS went to disco(CLUBBING)on their wedding night.hahaha..and i learnt that my paternal grandparents met in one of those peranakan tea parties way before their time.(see,clubbing runs in the blood huh?)hahaha
sometimes,i really admire my parents time man! life seems so carefree for them despite the fact that they were not very well off. though ive neighbourhood frens ard my home,the feelings really different..mum used to go swimming with daddy's sister and my aunts were all closely related. eventhough squabbles may occur between them,they learn to thrash things out.now,all we do is either to avoid or tolerate..
there isnt really true genuine love anymore,rite?
and when it gets too far,booom..the bubble burst!
same goes for relationships..its not like i really wanna start detesting boys now but seriously!!new age sensitive guys,get done with them MAN.everything will be a yesyes in the beginning for the first month and even when things get a little rough,we try to compromise and its still a yes on face value but not in the heart..then ooops,all of a sudden,irresponsiblity and eating of words..and then the five yr olds "i dun wanna talk to you anymore" attitude.in our context,(i'll ignore you for good!) ask yourself boys,and i literally mean BOYS..have u guys honestly grow up? u slowly and steadily paved urself into that girl's heart...curved out a part of yourself in her memories and then, vshoosh...

i admit that..me/we being girls are really too emotional sometimes and can get really selfish,but its this the way to handle a situation.? obviously,the girls are alwaes at a disadvantage..coz guys will do anything for girls when they are stimulated inside..
i hate being so sceptical..
i mean,ppl who kws me well enough will kw that i hang out with guys so much more than girls coz for the simple fact that i love sports and lan gaming...
this is reality for singaporean girls rite now..
and coz of that,i find myself wanting to pursue my love for sports like swimming and running alone or at least,with someone who clearly wont kw this sceptical side of me..yet.
sigh..i try to focus on the positive side
with God,work,and soon as stand chart performance is over,there will be cheer again..
but i cant help denying the fact that i get lost and confused just thinking about how to describe my emotions these days.

work and play do exhausts me physically but i cant help my emotional wellbeing from fallin sick..sick of trying to get away from thinking about you...as much as i dun wish to love and lose someone in just a few months..
im tired...tired of waking and jerking up in the middle of the nite..
tired of denying the truth that i had a recurring deja vu last december even before i knew who u were...or even seen u before.
and yet,i get utterly upset just thinking about losing this listening ear just because of certain circumstances...isit all worth it?one might be thinking,u have so many guy frens surrounding you..but would u believe if i said,few cld truly try to understand my mood..or even come close to it other than u.
admit it,boys are self-centred half the time...its either food,games,girls or sex.

Heather Lowell: when the storm breaks

She tightened her grip around his hands, painfully aware that she didnt know when she would see him again.
She tried to speak, to tell him about the emotions that were shaking her,but her throat closed with the tears she refused to shed in front of him..

stacey scribbles....

2009-11-19T13:27:00.002+08:00

theres just sooo many random thoughts flowing thru my head..
i have no idea which of it i shld start this post with..

jerked out of bed by this dream of you..
its so disturbing sometimes when i just wanna keep you out of my head,
u just keep coming back..
haunting me like an unfinished business..
i pray,i scream i shout,i cry

but u never go away..

love is short-lived
yet,my life stretches on a long and tedious road..

slowly and steadily,
i clambered on the dusky road
and cling on..

at what cost?
i often ask myself..
whenever i keep my hopes up,
i watch them fall everytime..

ive no idea why God put me through this all the time..
but every step i take brings about a renewed step of faith..
and sometimes,i kw i hear His soft comforting breath pushing me forward..
its as if im losing trust in Man(literally!),and just putting my whole heart in the Heavenly One.

but life is not so simple..
and living in this complex,complicated world..where varying sexual orientations are becoming so accepting in society,i wonder sometimes why i cant be like the other different one out there..

at least,love wouldnt be so painful
at least,love wouldnt hurt so bad
at least,we'll understand one another..
at least,being loyal and nice would not cause u to be so hurt when u see ur past love betraying your trust..coz u no longer like boys.

and the best of all,these scumbags deserve it.

note to boys:
dun even think that a simple apology is enough just becoz you thought you found someone new and felt that your life has "moved on"..
stop living in your little comfort zone..stop living in your little world of denial
coz guess what? finding someone new when u havent settled your prev dealings are just gg to spin off another vicious cycle.so dun ever mess with us,girls..

oh,and if u ever do it out of obligations,screw it..
u guys are not worth our time.

to all my innocent beloved readers,sorry for my foul mood.
just venting out my frustrations about new age sensitive guys these days.

the rain is pouring down so hard..

2009-11-16T18:07:00.003+08:00

phew..
finally,one wk had passed!!terribly exciting and exhilarating if u see my schedule.
jammed packed from morning till nite.
today is probably the first day im staying home..

so much so that my memories is failing me as i try to recall wat i did last wed.
anyway,i went nite cycling with bro on thursday..small accident but by God's grace,i didnt bleed..we cycled to flyer and back.
mum banned me from returning home late after that and dad tried to convince me tt im not a guy despite the fact that ive been cycling since three yrs ago.like hello, girls can do that too!RAWR
then friday,kiran and parv wanted to chill and club at zirca before they start studying for their exams these couple of weeks..LOL..crazy bitches.rushed down after cellgroup...we met with soo many unnecessary attention and a coincidental meet up with their long lost frens.haha(who tried to hook us up?!)thats wat i dont like about clubs on fri and sat nites..sooooo many nsf but shrugged them aside la..its a girls nite out man!
slumberparty at parv's place..kiran literally sat on me to wake me up the next morning.
saturday....camwhore with parv before heading home,changed..went to church.soo tired that nite that i KO upon reachin home.
sunday--alfred's bdae surprise at shaun's hse.LOL.chill and camwhore at liquid kitchen..then he decided to send everyone home which took two hours.LOL

gonna watch my girlfriend is a secret agent ltr!!!weeeeee

im going crazy over jap stuff..i mean,i alwaes loved jap food but esp the language now since sammie is taking jap as her elective in nyp.
tmr...rock climbing..here i come!!

PUPPY!!!we're meeting at nite tmr rite.?LOL.
watching ten things i hate about you..
the modern version of taming the shrew from shakespeare...i love her feminist character..sometimes i really wish i cld be her..

life,love..

2009-11-11T11:43:00.003+08:00

when i got out of bed today..
there seems to be so many things i wanna type on the "whats on your mind" section..
i changed my mind..coz i kw that i'll be spamming the news feed if i do that.

one thing is for sure,i really admire the physical strength and emotional capability of single mums. they r probably the ones with huge capacity of emotional maturity.
they r the sort of people i choose to admire becoz they do not succumb to those fickle minded,indecisive bastards who impregnated them. i mean, it sure takes two hands to clap..and perhaps, it cld even be their fault for falling into the moment and not resisting it when they know that it is not safe to do it.

but what i truly admire is their decision to bring the life of the kid into this world..no matter wat circumstances they will face.To even bear the pain of childbirth for a guy who is not even worth it all the way till the kid grows up without a father or just a stepdad..
Having the child put into the arms of a nanny or even childcare centre since they were toddlers and probably only seeing them at nite.
to work long hours into the night just so as to get enough income to provide for the kid's future..i mean...these ladies are just really noble.

have u ever considered the emotional welfare of these ladies?
that everytime they see the kid, they are reminded of their scumbag dads...the irresponsible shitholes who just refused to take up the responsibility and decides to carry on with their frivolous ways of socializing and "oops! i did it again" accidents..
they have to live thru the times where the kid will ask,"where's daddy?"
or even the times where he/she sees how happy and excited the other children are with their families on family day and becomes all upset coz he/she does not have a complete one..
all the incessant rumours or small talks about u being a single mum( this is Singapore,it is as conservative as it can be)
i feel for them...
i really do..i mean,if i were in your shoes,touch wood...i dun even think that im emotionally capable enough to handle all that stress..
ive to admit that i met or even heard of enough jerks in my life rite now to get me thinking about all these..sometimes,like you,i wonder why i may have fallen for the wrong guys..
bewildered as can be, i knew i have to break free from this vicious cycle..

whether u believe or not,even if i do like someone,i know im not prepared for a relationship..emotionally.
ive seen how my sister failed her N's,ran away from home just to meet that guy.
how for the very first time,i was just 14..my mum's devastated look on her face reporting her missing at the police centre..
how even despite the fact that my sweet puppy love then wanted to be with me and i have to refuse him painfully becoz of watever that was happening at home..and for the next 2 years,i gave it all i got into studies,into GB and everything so as not to think of him.
then comes the time where i do let go of him and be with my tuition buddies..not to mention the joshy and kh's clique..we were having soo much fun,cycling arnd,computer games to meeting up for supper in the wee hours of the nite. theres no such things as Boys except when it comes to play and games in my world.
all the way till MI-pae with better frens like the MAHANAs..

then kh and i grew closer..and yea,i had my first r/s with him.8 years of friendship inclusive of 3years of buddy-hood..ended with just a 6mths one wk r/s..
tough times...i dun wish to talk about it anymore.
but i have learn the harsh reality..
the fact that sometimes,love is bittersweet..and when the bitterness overwhelms the sweetness...it is best to keep it on hold for awhile.
the fact that insecurities and emotions of boys can kill..
most imptly,i realised that when a smooth sweet r/s between a boy and a girl starts to falter with trivial quarrels over small things and eventually fell out,it is not because these problems cant be resolved..but rather both of them are too insecure and worried about their status quo in each other lives..
the fact that love is just too vulnerable to risk everything.
love has to be selfish sometimes..it is a basic flight vs fight nature in every human being..

watever it is..
stacey is mentally,emotionally exhausted..
what keeps me going everyday is perhaps the awesome buddies and friends i have around my neighbourhood,church,cheer,SIM,st.margs..
and not to mention,my computer games and random cycling trips from bishan to as far as nee soon camp.lol!
this is the ultimate life..at least i want for me rite now.

stacey scribbles...

KUDOS to all you single mums out there! and too all who laughs at them or talk behind their backs,SCREW YOU.

REFLECTION

2009-11-05T20:07:00.004+08:00

But you put on quite a show.
Really had me goin'
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closin'.
That was quite a show.
Very entertainin'.
But it's over now.
Go on and take a bow.

i stood on solid rock and by the grace of God, i knew i could overcome ya.
u may not know it,but im serious when i said,"i am ready to be friends whenever you are."

theres alwaes a saying that goes:

in every relationships,be it friends or lovers,everyone has to commit to all three stages..
to LOVE, to REGRET, to Cherish.

one important thing which ive learned from this week...
i wanna love and cherish all you fellas out there who has entered into my life..

no matter how much role u played,
to my emotional needs or even just sending a simple gesture of appreciation,
i wanna let u all know that I STILL LOVE YOU!!:):)

just really glad claudia patched up our frenship with me ytd.:)

if i am going to love you, i wanna cherish you with no REGRETS.

stacey scribbles.

STORMS thereafter

2009-11-03T20:30:00.002+08:00

phew!!!!finally im blogging again...
its been a really eventful weekend for me after accts paper on saturday..
yes,i kw its halloween but my RMIT seems to love saturday paper,not to mention the morning.-_-"

afred finished his paper 45mins before can? followed by charles who was aiming for a just pass..wat crap! dawn and the rest of us stayed till the end...
anyway back to more serious tone...

ive learnt the virtues of forgiveness on saturday through sunday. though i must sae its one of the hardest thing which one could ever accomplished...but sometimes,it is by God's will or u can say...fate that has been destined for u to meet someone, whether u like it or not.
recall the song, 7things?by miley cyrus.."if u text it, i'll delete it..lets be clear."
i really agree with that song but sometimes, sincerity is wat u expect above all..
just wanna wish him his all the best and though it maybe awkward, i am fine in rekindling this friendship once again..

maybe this whole focus on solely-exams has set me thinking alot lately, esp when time cld only tell certain things.

went to clarke quay after svc on sat nite though.. had loads of fun staring and laughing at ppl..there was a tigger bouncing ard and loads of zombies.i got freaked out by a gal dressed as emily rose..LOL..
anyway, though i was super exhausted the next morning,i went for CHEER!haha..call me crazy. probably gonna help out with the dance segment with citra when i get back the following week..
i totally slackened this weekend.had to get back to my stats on monday..and chiong.

i missed my girls..i really am deprived of a girl companionship now. not trying to sound les but though im quite blessed with brothers, i am still a girl..i need girl talk.i need advice.

being with guys has officially made me a FULL-Fledged BITCH and i dun like it...starting to feel it now..esp after today...i met kh,unexpectedly at thomson plaza.
anyway, i bought another diary for my thoughts and dreams.may stop blogging soon if i write.LOL

can u believe how life has become for me?
everything just comes over a few days..thrown at me like a storm.and im forced to overcome them..
but God, with ur grace and ur strength..U have seen me through..
thank you,Jesus.:)

stats on friday and biz com next mon..
Love waits,
Love perseveres.
to me, Love is having faith as well.

stacey scribbles.

the cheerleader's smile

2009-10-30T19:03:00.003+08:00

once, there lived a girl..
who has many happy faces..
her happy faces are shown in all of her many worlds.

the house of God
the world of friends,
the world of family,
the world of love
the world of sports and passion.

she's noisy,she's loud
yet,chatty and sociable.
her caring nature,curious yet,listening ear gained her trust and acceptance from people around her.

her love for sports of different kinds,
from soccer to the arts brings her people from both sexes,age and walks of life..

You may wish to lead a life like hers..also happening and never alone..
but despite all these positivity, she failed in one world..
that world of love and solitude.

why solitude? one may ask.
she needs peace, my dear..from all that hecticness..day to day.
in that world,
all boys she has met are criminals..
there are chaos everywhere as these beasts of mankind terrorize the young and tender hearts from within.
the young and tender ones are trampled by these ferocious being,burning deeper into each wound..each scar.
she has no say in this world.
and yet...
beneath every smile lies the hidden pain of losing someone precious..
beneath each smile,it is haunted by the image of her loved one holding hands with another girl.
beneath each smile,is a deep and excruciating hurt of that someone who do not feel that there's anything wrong in cheating on her feelings.
and beneath every smile, it uncovers the times where she lie on her pillow soaking up the tears in her eyes.

she is hurt,
she is afraid..
in her self defence,she becomes cold...indifferent inside.

and yet beneath every single smile,she smiles..
just so as to keep that facade.

stacey scribbles.....

morning paper tmr..staying home with mumsy today..gtg slp soon.

Faith in all is what i need rite now.

2009-10-27T14:20:00.002+08:00

i wrote a letter today..
a letter of love, hope and acceptance.
an angel came into my dreams..
she came gracefully amidst the clouds flitting through the skies.
she was watching me...with a beautiful smile beaming across her cheek.

what was she implying with that smile? i asked.

there was no answer..just a quiet peaceful atmosphere..

Matthew 18:10
take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones,for I say to you that in heaven, their Angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

my guardian angel is watching me.:)

2009-10-15T17:03:00.002+08:00

heyhey..
not gg for cheer training today despite the fact that i want to..but the gals just cldnt find a better time...
hmm....be going to meet my gals ltr at east coast park..for our very own PICNIC by the beach.lol.
for some reason...when life's seem so hectic every single wk,u just want a quiet and peaceful bdae with ppl u love..and prolly coz of this,i decided to date huifern,peishan,kiran,parveen,bhuva,eneida and sarah loke this evening...NO BOYS ALLOWED.

this is especially so to reminisce the good old days of the 9 to 10 years in st.margs..

i chose ecp once again despite all the good and bad memories i have..
sometimes,i really wish life goes on the same as the days in primary and secondary sch..no boys around.we cld hang out all day after sch,take the tonnes of neoprints,no r/s problems...everything is just soo peaceful.

sigh..stacey is not gg to emo now.

signing off..

my mind is ruling my heart for now and perhaps,i maybe missing u...but watever it is,i pray that u will overcome the fears and hurt u're gg thru in ur life.stay strong.MW

2009-10-08T10:57:00.003+08:00

hey yoz!
i kw i woke up really too early today..0945am on a no sch day..
been dreaming abt certain things.cldnt slp well..
just wanna keep u readers wat ive been up to lately..
alot of things have been happening in my life and since things are going to change,i wont be tryin to revert them back..well, at least i'll piece them back slowly..

places ive been to:

OH FARM..with my beloved babieson their very first school excursion...yizhen and xiangsheng..yizhen started camwhoring by herslf on the way back-pics update next!!!

-school...for lessons,duh!ob group project,BIZ COM assignment 2 before heading to revision mode. by 2nd oct!
-RMIT party BASH...it was alrite..if only someone was with me,it'll be better..had loads of fun camwhoring with the gals..it was according to alfred,his second time in a CLUB.
-EEVANN"S bdae...we the MAHANAS went to cafe cartel for his PORK RIBS.
-KAR's BDAE..:):)went to oosh at dempsey place after getting an invite from daniel..we left early..lol
-school term closes..

stacey is back to revision MODE for the exams from oct 26 to nov 9...

starbucks at thomson plaza is where u can find my body in most of the afternoons..
if not, it'll be either zaccheus hse or qianwei's place..

reagan and caspar and i were being jackasses on MOONCAKE FESTIVAL..asked peishan along but she went MIA again.zzz..anyway,my two beloved brothers tried to create sparkles from dried leaves..but it started burning.so we decided to do experiment with two jolly shady cans!haha...(PICTURE UPDATE)

guess i shldnt hide it any longer and tell u guys that im not in DENVERs anymore.
all in all, the captain wasnt happy that i kept leaving early for church activities..and asked me to choose between church and cheer..WTH.
but im feeling much better now..:)no worries.
had been cheerless for two weeks..but that also gave me time to RUN AND RUN AND RUN!!!:)
i managed to explore different parts of bishan and braddell with one jogging trip..tryin to maintain this once a wk thing..
the thing that just bore me down is some sister politics in cellgroup..its not really bothering me much but still adds on to the fact that i left denvers for church..its really amateurish and i told grace that im so not gonna be bothered by it.it just feels really different gg to cellgroup now..u can sae i was pretty bored by some of their childish games...but i guess time really works in drawing me back again when i decided to connect more wif shumin and the older ones(who were MIA these whole time until now)

as church is getting settled,cheer comes next..
and I wont confirm with ya till im sure of this..

HAPPPPPPPPPIE 19TH BIRTHDAY,WIFEY..AKA DAWN LAU YAN YIN...SEE YA ON FRIDAY

passion is emotion made intelligent.STACEY is going to let her mind govern her body rite now.

plunko learned how to somersault..

i wanna believe that there is a rainbow after every storm..pls let me believe that..

2009-09-04T00:38:00.002+08:00

the whirling winds of change guides me into thy sacred heart,
just as i watch and ponder over the winding river i see flowing beneath my feet..

it was sunset..
the contrasting image between the serenity of the park to the hectic nature of people rushing to and fro from the streets nearby,
doing their best to get to the sweet and tenderness of something they have re created on their own..
something which they have tried playing God
some may have succeed,
some may fail...
but nonetheless..it was a place called home.
whether they like it or not..

makes me think
flowers may bloom, buildings change...
but what about us..?
our minds and feelings to somewhere...or some things are what we should or even try to control..
or plainly even remain the same..

stacey scribbles...

2009-08-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

heyhey...
lol...God has been really good to me and the bishan ppl of E222 tis wkend man..how can it be a coincidence to have the train stopped rite in front of us at every interchange?frm cityhall to tenah merah...even expo??lol
didnt join the cell for basketball today..lol,fell aslp while waiting for the rain and drizzle to stop..wanted to go RUN...guess i procastinated again..

but i went for children church tis morning..which explains my fatigue..they changed the playtime for the kids..i was stationed at this twister looking game. the kids were soo adorable,they didnt kw how to play the game..some just ended up lying on the mat.LOL..
then i rmb joshua trying to stretch himself so far..he fell.
charlotte kept sticking to me despite the fact tt i just knew her today..she was shy to the other kids but i guess its common..i even left my station to go read her a book.
reagan was unusually emo today..didnt go with his brother,leroy.but he was quite comfortable being alone..
only after worship,he decided to play his train with the other children..was tellin me abt the snacks hes gonna have later..CUTENESS.

gosh...sorry for rattling on and on abt children church..
this alwaes happens when one serves on a sunday..esp in the morning when ur brain is still half aslp.
we had a children church teachers' day celebration bbq at nite though..felt rather meaningful to me..
i mean,i was kidda reluctant to go becoz i dun really kw the others who served..other than merr and chinjie and recently found out that reigi(god bro,reagan's biological sister) is there too.and im getting broke..being the end of the mth.lol.but despite this, joyce even wanted to bless me and treat me to this..i went and paid anyway.it was that thought of hers that matters.
and i guess its all worthwhile.:)
finally gotta see who glaudia is..the woman behind the wonderful planning and organization of 4-6yrs old programme.
we even got a cute little sharpener for teacher's day.
wow..the feeling is really awesome yet different being treated like a teacher..
i finally felt the wonders of how my teachers feel..impacting little lives..esp little kids..=)

thank you, JESUS.for the little children.

school blues.

2009-08-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

heyhey youyou!!!
sorry i havent blogged..
been really bz with sch..first,assignment 1 for ob due...then IA test and last wk was BS..
then ytd was bc assignment due...
gosh...finally when i thought my misery is over,here comes ob group project.LOL
just discussed with the clique wat time we meeting tmr to watching final destination 4 on friday together..
im like in a very dysfunctional clique la..lol!!sadistic to one another..first,alfred and dawn wanna settle outside...then now, pearl and shaun are having some cyber walfare abt drowning each other..hahaah..JOKERS!

well..at least i did relaxed a little today...tuesdays are like my official break for this semester.woke up ard 12,had lunch then did my homework,went to zaccheus hse for his tuition(gave him mr small)mr greedy cant be given away coz someone special gave it to me..haha..
then rush home for dinner before gg for cheer at potong pasir cc
the atmosphere changed man...after 3wks of break..
trng has became stricter..more focused though
i did soo many handstands with weiwei tt my hands are numb now.

aniwae...to sum it all, things have changed in my life now.some add-ins but it has been agreed tt there shld not be the circulation of me ard it.

watever it is,i hope it will work out..but i dun wanna rely on it.

plunko will then testify.:)

crazy wk...

2009-08-12T15:13:00.000+08:00

hello!!!!my beloved...i kept tellin myself that i will update but sometimes im just too lazy to touch computers..
since im taking my lunch break now from the few hours of accountings earlier,i shall take the chance to blog for the first time on my 3810T acer netbook.
let me describe to you my past one wk...

OB OB OB OB OB OB and more of tis shit.

OB aka organisational behaviour to be exact if u dun understand.its just one of the four modules i haf to fulfill for this semester,not to mention: introductory acct,biz stats(something like stats in jc-_-),just more in depth to the business world) and biz COMputing(for a com illiterate like me,not helping)
guess for me and dawn,the jc nuggets..we haf the phobia of typing and retyping again(from written report)that prompt us to be stuck at the research stage 1 for a long time.i actually completed my other 2 stages in the time span of 3 to 4 days!!!-_-
yeap..before handling it in the deposit box which felt like a traumatic event for all 6 of us that day after nights of slogging 1000plus words in business format..HAHA!zzzz
dun make me think of that result now man!its 35% of my total grades for ob.

yeap yeap...had a great time with matt too who brought me to labardor park to scream and shout and camwhore on wed,then to marshe for dinner at vivo..camwhore somemore,before heading to baker zin for a sinfully awesome dessert treats.
despite the fact that i had tonnes of work to complete after that evening on wed,no regrets...

i was sooo tired on fri after the stupid assignment that i crashed on my bed after i got home,i missed cellgrp..got laughed at by samuel on sat!!zzz.melissa even teased me tt i was having cellgrp in my dreams coz i heard songs of praise while i was aslp..but it turns out to be my neighbouring estate containing some fellow city harvesters.AWESOME!
sunday-children church..first time ever,i felt the test of faith in gg to serve when there wasnt merrill to wake me up to meet him.lol..HAPPY nATIONAL DAY..and yea,that was a good march pass frm merr and the 8000 people involved!!
gosh, i began to reminisce the times i had in NDP..mummy wants me to go back to serve as officer..still thinking.

oh..i think im becoming a movie junkie too!!!
its freaky...watched the hangover with ZX..family outing to the jack neo show at 11.10pm near midnite..goodness..the cinema was packed with families!kidda reaffirmed what i said abt the bishan culture..sleep late,wake up later.then the following day,watched GI Joe with clair, rolland and merrill and some others..chennings is HOT!!was hooked to his sweet sensitive eyes for the next 2hrs.
took my evening out with noel and alex,my favourite boys from ijc to clarke quay on tues.

next...UP-3D with the sleepyhead..whos suppose to go offline since he fell aslp but currently still online..rawr!!be flattered tt im gg with ya later.
its LADIES NITE!!!!and stacey is sooo gg clarke quay..but guess wat?PRAYER MEETING at riverwalk.. >_<..lol,gotcha!

but i miss the music and CLUBBING,the craziness of gg home at 4am just to haf breakfast?!its been mths since ive done that,for real...rawr!!butterfact KRYS!!!

time to go bAck mugging for accts tmr.zzz

i really love church..
i dun care what u have against my church but there is NOTHING you can do to make me stop loving the PRESENCE OF God from this place.

2009-07-15T00:15:00.002+08:00

CALL HIM MINE,TATA young.

I can call him mine

It was only a matter of time
Before I got tired of your ways
I tried to make you fire,
But you were only ice
And you didn’t seem to wanna change

So then I looked at someone new
And he was looking back at me too
Saw that I was hurt
Knew just what to say
Knew just how to push the pain away

You know I need stability
And you know you can’t give it to me

Chorus
My sun may never rise the way it did with you,
And he may never kiss me the way that you’d do
But at least he makes me feel like a part of his life
At least he doesn’t make me cry
I know I can call him mine

Though when I call him on the phone
I never feel butterflies
I know that I can trust
He’ll always give me love
And I know mine will grow for him in time

He tells me that I’m beautiful
And I never ever heard that from you
He doesn’t cause me pain
Tears falling like the rain
And though I’m still in love with you
You know I need stability

(Chorus)

It wasn’t easy letting go but I know that I had to think of the long run and say goodbye
And find someone who appreciates me even though even though…..

My sun may never rise the way it did with you
And he may never ever kiss me the way that you’d do, that you’d do…

(Chorus)

The sun may never rise again like it did with you
And he may never ever kiss me the way you’d do
But at least he makes me feel like I’m a part of his life
He doesn’t make me cry
Doesn’t make me cry
He doesn’t make me cry
I know I can call him mine

they often sae music and songs often reflect your own emotions and feelings..
to that certain someone..this song is from me to you..though i kw,i wont be so foolish as to jump into another fruitless r/s..

stacey scribbles.

2009-07-04T23:48:00.002+08:00

woot...service was awesome today.being the pioneer batch of decentralised service in mj/ic zone....sometimes,God really works in miraculous way..its amazing how there are 27000 people in my beloved church and somehow or rather,people who are in my cell group or just joined...are connected to me.take phoebe,she kws daniel and sheron and sherry..claudia's ex classmate is my family fren's daughter who are also in our church...even the new gal in my cell..her name is elena.she so happen to be in the exact same class and cohort as me in SIM business school RMIT.really glad tt i got to kw her better today.
we had a crazy time at ECP..though it may bring back fATEFUL MEMORIES..
shall upload the pics soon after i get it from them.
spent about 4 bucks travelling for the human monopoly that we played.RETRO GLAMOUR BABY.
wallace chua seriously cracked me up man..with his retarded dance.he actually came in suspenders and tight jeans just as i thought.hahA..
im just happy that at least,i convinced weijie to come for svc today and even stayed on for the outing..

children church tmr!!!

quote:
life may seem to appear like a mystery among the woods
love may even appear shallow and insignificant
sometimes,one just have to learn patience among all of these other things and even accept these complexity as the beauty of nature in itself..

stacey scribbles...

2009-06-30T18:11:00.002+08:00

here i go!!!scream my lungs out!
ratz...my orientation got cancelled.tts why i am able to be blogging now.there goes my hopes of being part of a real life left for dead game...damn.but im not gonna let it go just like tt.

STACEYWASEY BABY BEAR IS GOING TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN IN BUSINESS MANAGEMENT SIM man..:>

starting sch tomorrow....WEE!!manage to garner two new frens i can hang out with and two senior counsellors for backings..call me influential!LOL
spent great quality time with my best pal,alex darling ytd...he suddenly text me that he needed to stay over for the nite on sun while i was serving children church...

i love the Pressence of God.the calm and gentle holy spirit was so great,isabelle stopped crying as we sang ONE DESIRE,the worship song.and wow!cheralynn is learning to pay attention and be God's little helper.she is worthy to be my favourite kid!:)

we didnt really sleep much la..went out with my crazy idea to play the swing in the middle of the nite at 11plus..but he gt tired and dozed off while we were on the swing..DANGEROUS.so we went home.he slept on tis blue leather sofa i sitting on now as i blog.he went to someone's house at cck after our chicken rice.really amazing how we cld talk abt life and he was like:'u r the one and only cutest girl i havent fall for.and would never coz we r destined to be Best FRENS.'
lol...im flattered but accept it.haha

aniwae,i was pretty bored today..slacked awhile before reading my fav thriller author,John Saul. the sun was scorching hot,asked wallace to go play frisbee ard 4 just now but we ended up playing both frisbee and soccer with some kids at bishan heights..
hmm...stacey starting to miss taekwondo when i walk there..
oh and honey iceblend with pearl is really good.
lol..random..im off for CHEER NOW>>gogo DENVERS!ciao.

2009-06-28T00:55:00.004+08:00

HEY HEY YOUYOU!
sorry for sounding so emo in my prev post.i guessed i just felt really reproached and discouraged somehow by circumstances within me..i kw u'll probably thought it pretty amusing how i can actually feel tis way being absolutely hyper and crazy all the time. but truthfully and honestly,there is this soft-hearted and emotional side of me which i often hide within me..i can safely say..only God,noel,reagan and ahem*(kianhow) ever witness it.the side where i cld just cry and pour out my tears..

but enuff abt that now.
i guessed sometimes,one will be going thru the valleys and streams of darkness within the wilderness.just as i was looking thru my Songs Of Solomon bible study notes,pastor really hit the bull eye in my heart when he talked abt the wilderness within ourselves..sometimes,its the weakness of the flesh..just as i reflect upon tis wk..it has indeed been a really eventful week..i met with the mahanas for transformers,my POS babes but also..my tuition clique..not forgetting,kanitha..MY ABSOLUTELy beloved shopperholics.
its been a week of trials and test of Faith..thats why i totally absorbed SOS within me when he covered abt letting ourselves lean upon HIM and trusting Him WHOLEHeartedly.
Pastor Tan shared abt a new way of living today and i was really touched.i earnestly needed tt sermon in my life rite now.the question lies within,What is the altar of our life?why are we succumbing to the altar within us when Jesus has always been there and sacrificed for our sake?peace has already been established.
Are we able to acquire the boldness and faith filled courage to enter into the new realm?

im sorry if there are non believers and seculars reading tis but i guess this post serves as a reminder to myself time and again.

emotional imprisonment..the feeling of confinement within the space of oneself.
i guessed this explains the almost recurring dreams i have overpowering my sleep..
where the serenity and peace filled the wilderness and she just keeps going.it is the endless search of aims and goals that could even be unachieved.someone was beside her or at least,watching over her and she felt peace..but at the same time,unsatisfied and and unfulfilled within.

i cant go on anymore.my eyes are drooping..serving children church tmr.

Oh God,show me more of your ways as i seek after You,Jesus.

2009-06-25T00:21:00.002+08:00

im feeling something inside.

sth has been broken somehow,maybe its the dawn of the nite that is making me feel this way.

i really hope it is just the depth of tis nite..that despite the bright white light of my study room and my sister happily and noisily playing online games beside me,
it does not mean anything.anything at all..

something is engulfing the inside of me..
i felt it before.
im pretty sure no one would want that..
the feeling of anguish and restlessness.
the part of which something has been torn apart from u and all u had within urself is the stubborness to accept the harsh forsaking truth.

the truth of that part.

a song is running thru my head.
"he is running...a hundred miles an hour..in the wrong direction.
he is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of his cold heart
So he sets out on another misadventure just to find
he's another two years older
And he's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear him? Can anybody see?
Oh does anybody even knows he's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear him? Can anybody see?

He is yearning
For shelter and affection
That he never found at home
He is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
That can't see past his scarlet letter
And we never even met him

Does Anybody Hear him? Does anybody see?
Oh, Does anybody even know he's goin' down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear him/her?
(Does anybody hear)
Does anybody see?
(Does anybody see)
Does anybody even know he's goin' down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
(The shadow of our steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people
(All the lost and lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running
A hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction

im pretty sure is the "he" i will replace it with but i do have to admit that there are still some parts of my life that needs amendment. that there is a certain part that needs to be torn apart and break away forever..
and even as it gets torn out,that certain part has to be healed.

By what?
i do not know...
maybe not now..
maybe its not the time for me to find out.

if all of us are running away from something...trying to find a way out of every situation..do we hope?
do we pray?
or ever wonder how that part of it shall be healed again..?

that is exactly how im feeling rite now.

2009-06-09T15:12:00.004+08:00

gosh..i realised tt my skirt was slipping down during that whole performance.ahh,so obscene,expose my tummy!bleah.ok..dun go observing..im just ranting.

ohya....viewed huifern's blog.LOVES THE PHOTOS.apparently,kelvin didnt understd wat a girls slumberparty is and crashed it.LOL.we had loads of fun and my darling actually went down to sp with me to support me during one of my POS days..i love u,huifern!

life feels kidda mundane and empty now...no POS.
even at mindchamps,i work the full 6 hr shift ytd.(-_-)
felt pretty much dazed when i came home...met krystal early tis morning for breakfast at delifrance..can u believe it?i actually woke up!wow..9.45am..great record.
haha..lameness!
oh..and we'll supposed to catch a movie ltr at 4.30pm but too lazy to leave the hse.she wants to watch dance subaru but guessed inspiring sob sob movie is not my cup of tea.heh..
gonna rot at home and watch knowing...hehe..mummy bought the dvd somewhere..ciao!
heres some photos to keep the blog more colourful.
theres my beloved base,ben teo and my dance partner,junfeng aka wolverine,the team photo,claire bear and PUPPY precious.next photo update wld be for appreciation dinner.no space now.haha

HEYYYY LOVELIES!

2009-06-01T15:46:00.002+08:00

hey peeps!!!!!!in case u guys missed the PARADE OF SCHOOLS,the one which i performed in with the other cool,on fire and revival for God christians..heres a video on it.hope u enjoy it and do tag to comment.

gosh,all that hours of late nite trngs from 7pm to 11pm everynite...all the staying out until SP closes its main gate,all the late nite unhealthy suppers and early morning breakfasts,not to mention,the bruises and bumps from the stunts we attempt has finally ended in just one weekend...time sure flies and im back in reality again..working at mindschamp and waiting to start sch in july..
im soo gonna miss everyone.
so wanna lose some tummy fats too..feel obscene wearing the star airline blouse with bulges.i mean,u guys may tell me its common that evey girl shld haf some fats but i dun want la.lol..ok maybe im being overly sensitive and nonsensical but yea,its prolly every girl's mindset to lose weight.

2009-05-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

like my new blogskin people???

haha..was gettin really bored with the old one.and its often so emo...
so to start staying more positive,i feel tt this change is necessary.
pls tag arh..

any ideas how am i to put pictures on my blog as a display?
teach me pls!!

anyway,my scholarship test was alrite..for some reason unexplainable,i felt really peaceful and calm inside thruout the whole 3.5 hrs..freezing up in the cold seminar room with 3 questionnaires,36 questions each to be completed in 30 to 40mins...

not to mention the 4th personality test with 185 questions...ooh!!
i was quite intimidated at first..after all,who wouldnt be when u r surrounded by people with thick specs and (one skinny guy even came in a suit?!) gg to top notch courses in the local universities...while im gg SIM-RMIT business school.LOL.

but i told myself,they may haf the brains,the knowledge and the wisdom..but i have something even greater..and that is GOD's love.:)so no matter wat the outcome maybe,im sure God has a greater plan for me and i kw..He will bless me.

woot!!!i have a bump on my left eye recovering from the shoulder stand incident.it was kidda comical come to think of it.haha.shoulder stand on ben,which i guess i was nervous then i had to push xin yen up the swedish fall but i guessed,i wasnt strong enuff and she aint locking..threw her down to the bases and she kicked me off and i landed on merrill's head before hitting the ground.merr has an iron head man!but the next thing i knew,both of us were moaning in pain.haha.its better la..been rubbing egg on my eye every nite.heh..sherlyn kept wanting to eat the egg..GOSH,shes such a pig!tryin to steal my hard-boiled egg for my eye.(-_-)

trngs are gonna be tedious tis wk..every single day except friday!!mummy's gonna fry me.but im really really excited!!!:P
and huifern and i are gonna play frisbee tmr and shes gonna come for cheer pract with me and we r gonna have a slumber party!!!we r also gonna meet ah shan.GOSH, i MISS them soooooooooo much!
the second group i really miss is actually and honestly,my tuition frens..i mean,on msn,fern and i were reminiscing those good old days we had.and come to think of it,nothing beats the good times we shared..not even my past relationship with kh and my very first sweet puppy love for daniel.i mean...i miss them alot.when i saw dan the other day at sp,i really didnt wanna leave.i just felt so attached to him and need to catch up on our lives tgt.and as for kh,i cant explain it but those late nites we spent gg for supper and talkin on msn even just as a fren..can never match the countless times i spend with caspar now(my neighbour cum Godbrother)playin L4D and computer games.
but nonetheless,nothing beats singlehood..the freedom to do watever i want.the fact that i really need to build up my personal walk with Jesus and my faith in Him.and my whacky and crazy family.i need to build up the emotional sensitivity within myself,the confidence and courage.:P

stacey scribbles......>_<

2009-05-20T00:28:00.002+08:00

HELLLOOOO PEOPLE..
stacey is gonna learn how to regularly update her blog so tt she can connect with old frens despite the distances!!!!
i try to promise k,once in 2 wks.

there were so many things tt has taken place which i just find it so difficult to comprehend...im just AMAZED...AMAZED by God's work.im touched by faith.
i mean...after all my rantings in my previous post,i dun see the point in doing so anymore.

ive decided to put my TRUST in the Lord and just have faith.

FAITH is the power to believe in something which has not happened yet..its something which one has not seen or heard,or even believe tt miracles will happen.

there was just this point of time when i feel everything was falling apart.that everything i haf set up to do is gg down the drain.that all my directions are misled by wat i presume was God's calling.mummy haf been really upset these days tt im committing so much to church.
"cheer cheer cheer!!!if not,children church!now,cell group..how are u gg to find a proper job like tt?"

honestly,my family finances have been really tight these few mths.sammie just got into nanyang poly from ITE.i was planning to go SIM and sherlyn is still schooling.
talk abt finances,my parents are not a pair of good planners.just as the recession got worse,my mum has set up her mind to pay off her debts and loans to the bank coz the interest rates are spiking up which i feel,its a pretty good move.
but coz of tt,finances are pretty constraint rite now.
my mum has taken up another part-time job in the evenings to supplement the income and pay off her bank loans.and coz i havent been working,though i was still paying for my own hp bills and transport,i wasnt putting my time in the day for good use.she was pretty sad.but i felt,i didnt had a choice coz of cheer practices are in the evenings and so is cell group..thats why,she seldom see me at home at nite.

plus,i haven't got my place in any uni...ive no idea where my future leads me..
and staying true to my church commitments were just clashing with everything..
i wanna grow in Christ tis year,but circumstances just doesn't show.
tt friday nite on my way home after cell group,grace gave me cab fare to reach home earlier..ive made up my mind to just TRUST IN HIM.
for tt whole wk,i told myself...nothing is gg to stop me.
"O God,everything seems lost.my family,my commitments,my future,my personal life...but Father,im gonna trust in You despite all these."
BOOM..i love miracles.:)

the pathetic recession has miraculously bless me with 6 to 7 out of the 10 jobs i was looking for.so after interviews and interviews,ive decided upon Prudential for the 3-7pm tues to thurs rite now.6 per hour telemarketing..and theres also mindschamp which im planning to take on after POS ends tis may in the evenings..partly coz mummy is working in there too.:)

the following thurs morning,i was awaken by daddybear with two letters.one big one from SIM and the other from NTU..i was elated!!but i prayed..i prayed that i'll get business management instead of marketing which i put as first choice.i just felt after talkin to seniors,i kw i wont be able to cope with marketing.
PRAISE God,i got business MANAgement.wooh.

so u think all these are coincidental?!!part of me believe so too.but i realised its God's grace after thursday..on friday morning ard 6.30am,i woke up feeling really stressed..wat if my parents cant support me thru uni?i dun wish to burden them anymore.i wanna be independent.went back to slp after awhile..after praying.
ard 11.10am,after stretching,i received a call from ministry of foreign affairs.omg,i was soo shocked.i was so hesitant to answer the call..i just didnt kw wat to sae when she asked,:"hi,are u stacey?would u be interested in coming down for a psyclomatic test as part of the interview process for the singapore government scholarship?"

o..praise the LORD!!!i just kw its YOU.
though i may not kw if i will get the scholarship or not,im just glad im given the opportunity.and though things like my personal life have not been resolved,U just give me Faith tt i can trust You.that i can always rely on my Heavenly Father in times of needs and He'll bless me with abundance:)

all i knew at that time was Trust God,in practical terms,concentrate on POS for tts the only thing tts gg right.even in POS,i had a problem trusting my different bases,feeling rather fat.feeling tt they wont catch me..but trust is all i know in order to get my stunts right.even if i fall...my stunts have to be up.

im just glad it paid off.and Jesus,i love u..:)

HANGING ON

2009-05-05T01:14:00.002+08:00

lol..just read my previous post titled,FAITH.

guess i havent been practicing wat i aim to do tis yr..
to take it slow...
sigh..guess its not easy when one just encountered a failed relationship last yr.
theres this particular counter effect in my priceless fragile heart which probably worked on the nagative way.instead of taking things slow,it tends to pace up just hoping tt the relationship will last.
but guess there r these times when i make a mistake of loving someone.
i mean...
how wld u feel,having to go for an exciting outing with a big bunch of frens u meet every practice only to hear them gossiping and talking bad about someone u like?
how wld u feel when u cant even admit tt that guy is close to ur heart?

how wld u feel hanging ard people u used to work with stabbing ur little heart with a knife by every word they sae abt that same guy?
and telling u...
babe,are u blind?
gal,i think u deserve better..
girl,forget it.

how wld u feel when things became rough,instead of encouraging u..u hear things like:
good for u gal,hes not worth it.
and worse,my brother can treat u better than he does..

let me answer all that questions..
the feeling sucks.
wat happens if u and him just seem to lose that chemistry.?
will u try to regain it back?

i really cant describe how i am feeling rite now..i mean,even before everything tt happened on friday..i stay ambiguous to myself.

my whole mind is just filled with POS cheer..the fact tt performance is coming up in 3weeks on 30th and 31st may.the fact tt preview is on 16th may.the harsher fact tt costumes and props havent been done.and worse of all,we r LACK OF MEMBERS.

trainings are doubled to mon,wed,thurs and sunday..
really really pray for a revival in POS JC and uni cluster k guys?
all i can think abt is perhaps cheer cheer and more cheer.and how to get thru my two interviews tmr..

really sorry i cant rant further abt my personal life.screwed up as it maybe,theres no point brooding over it when u have so many other things to bother abt.

i just wanna trust God to lead my way and bring me to His great plans.still learning to do that so pls dun stop me or bombard me with qns of my personal life.
its hard...
and ive put on a brave front for too long,almost giving up...
but i am hanging on.

2009-04-30T18:07:00.003+08:00

stacey has officially SLACKED enuff..
back to work and reality that i'll be gg uni in three mths or so...
i cant believe i missed my SIM scholarship date.shit.now,i gta wait till i get in..
know my results are not good enuff for local U but i know God has a great plan for me in alternate routes...so RMIT University..here i come baby.
and to all the other jc graduates like me who didnt get straight A's or B's,pls do consider other alternatives!!my heart aches for u when u guys apply for all the local unis and not get a single reply for them.

during my slacky days,ive accomplished much too!bonding with my grand dad,taking grandmama out for a movie and dancing with her at the peranakan museum anniversary.not to mention cooking with sherlyn and chilling with sammie(to a small extent)lol.
been bz with cheer...now,i have Parade of Schools for church.and Denvers.stress!!!but God,i know u will alwaes be there for me.

i did ad hoc jobs and relief teaching so i still get maybe a slight allowance here and there but guess its not enough to last me in uni la.
jaye was so sweet to write me a referral letter and testimony at EmitAsia and im glad to have worked there even though brandan and i argued a few times over some office politics.and all the frens i made are unforgettable...not to mention a few which i truly discover their true colours after results.gosh.

really appreciate those calls from him these past weeks.guessed all quarrels will come to an end somehow,a really sweet ending for me,i hope.:)

2009-04-02T23:03:00.002+08:00

its not just a headache baby...
i caught a damn f***ed up virus..fever and flu.37.7 degrees.went to the doc's on monday evening with mummy and sherlyn.
rested the whole day on tuesday..the antibiotic is so strong that my hands tremble when i take those..even fell asleep while talkin to sammie.too drowsy.gosh..i was like the witch from left for dead..exclude the screams and cries.lol
wanted to recover fully on wed but had the whole surprising call of my life...from kcpss.hah!gt called down for relief tt day.was wondering if it was an april fool joke.though it was only for 5.5hrs,i totally enjoyed myself..seeing myself in the perspective of the other side of the classroom..gonna ask for more schools and yea,i wanna try out more relief teaching.

phew,totally exhausted myself having not to recover fully.went home to slp somemore coz of the drowsy effect.had a slight asthma relapse ytd nite.congested chest.thank God for the inhaler.
k...thats all for now..i need to rest my head.

~thanks for ur smses on tuesday.i really appreciate it.really didnt expect u to come visit me.was really just on impulse when i smsed tt.i kw we've been thru some rough time on sat.if u need some time,pls let me kw.:)

2009-03-29T21:32:00.001+08:00

Love Story (Official Music Video) - Taylor Swift

im so addicted to this song!cant help it.

2009-03-29T20:44:00.002+08:00

ok..ive so many things to blog about but my stupid headache and migraine juz have to set in..my eyes are puffy too..havent been slping well.
thanks to my beloved nocturnal frens like alex or noel or winston will call me super late at nite..zzz(two from army sneaking calls and the other juz got refused by me a few times coz i was bz in the day)

im sooooo tired.
tired of everything...ok except left 4 dead!!:))
been gaming late into the nite too at caspar's place.and watching loads of dvds..borrowed 11 movies frm amelia.(my cousin)onto my fourth one today.

but ive accomplished alot this week.

after quitting emit asia,i...
1)visited grandpa(bought deserts!:))
2)visited ah yi and my darling cousins(yizhen and xiangsheng)so happy to see them!couldnt go on saturdays coz of church.yizhen cried when i was leaving her hse..i was so touched.
3)helped ah yi and sammie and ivey find a job by giving them details of the trade fair..really hope they'll come..sure there r so many opportunities out there.
4)borrowed dvds
5)find schools to go for relief teaching..YAY!im licensed and approved by MOE

all these stated above were accomplished from mon to wed.
on thurs,i went for a job interview with kiran to halogen foundation,recommendation frm aishah.it was interesting and they dun require u to commit so often..which is gd coz i really wanted a relief teaching job back at st.margs pri so that i can go back to help gb.been praying alot for that...and ms ho(now,mrs tai)has been asking me back.seems to me tt none of my batch went back to help?!its appalling,considering the fact tt we were the pioneer batch of junior leaders.not to mention,highest rank..pioneer brigader brooch holders.

fri-went for the trial at casuarina primary..then girls nite out with E222!so glad xiaoyu came along..and girl,I WANT OUR PHOTOS

amidst all these...ppl were commenting on my panda eyes.but i juz cant slp somehow..other than those midnite calls,i juz cant close my eyes.
think im insomaniac..
been having strange dreams too..
but they felt so real..
and dreams about him..they werent pleasant at all.
THIS LOVE IS DIFFICULT BUT ITS REAL.I CAN FEEL IT.
and juz so u kw my dearest blog..ive been lying all along tt i didnt wanna go out with brandan again the prev time...now,u kw.

2009-02-15T23:32:00.002+08:00

hey yo..been really busy with jc sales these few wks..hardly had the time to go online.lol
but emit-asia is great!the working environment is dynamic..surrounded by jc newbies to the working world juz like me..we can get along well and jaye(my manager) is crazy.haha..she and her nonsensical rubbish from stepping on dog shit to disturbing me and my idiot..
ok...back to being a little more serious.
he needs to confess to his cgl abt us and till now,i have no idea how she really reacted yet.waiting for him to call me nw..for all days,she had to meet him ytd.(valentines day)but oh well,i enjoyed and spent my time with E222..

thank you guys for the song and the personalised gift!LOVE U ALL!:);)

the dampening part was my stupid food poisoning..had a high fever and vomitted twice before service ytd..so i didnt get to spend my time well with my beloved cell group.

aniwae,thanks for being so firm and resolute..no one(not a single guy)i knew had dared to go against my will of resting at home on thursday instead of gg to work.u took the huge initiative to tell jaye and took leave for me which she happily agreed somehow.i didnt kw whether to feel sad or pleased coz i was really bored at home and ended up baking brownies..kiran juz told me "feel blessed,my dear."

the fiery princess has been conquered by the absolute gayness within her idiot..:P

2009-02-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

PAINT MY LOVE-michael learns to rock.omg..classics!

From my youngest years
Till this moment here
I�ve never seen
Such a lovely queen

From the skies above
To the deepest love
I�ve never felt
Crazy like this before

Chorus:
Paint my love
You should paint my love
It�s the picture of a thousand sunsets
It�s the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Been around the world
Then I met you girl
It�s like comming home
To a place I�ve known

Chorus:
Paint my love
You should paint my love
It�s the picture of a thousand sunsets
It�s the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Since you came into my life
The days before all fade to black and white
Since you came into my life
Everything has changed.

ur an idiot..but i love u anyway.:):P

2009-01-19T00:51:00.002+08:00

hey...
hmm..kidda not used to the hecticness of life once again...stacey NEEDS A PART TIME JOB!i cant afford to lose my social life..wat will become of a social butterfly without a SOCIAL LIFE??
let me spell it....D-E-A-T-H!!!!

as i clearly stated in my previous post,those are indeed my priorities for tis yr and WORK is NOT GOING to rob me away from these objectives.
its God's will that prompts me to strengthen my walk with Him and i am going to do it.
pastor preached abt PRAYERS tis week and im truly inspired by something he said.
there are many devoted christians out there who attend cell groups,service and even serve in ministries and bible schools but seriously,how many out there truly kw wat they are doing??
serving God or SERving the PEople first?its amazing how we think we are doing so many things for our heavenly DAddy and yet,losing our first touch of love..that intimate interpersonal relationship we share with Him.and the fact that our prayers(the form of communication) with the Almighty is lacking in specifics and content that its impossible to fulfill...

-GOD, i wanna strengthen my walk with U.show me the way out and i pray that i'll be able to find a suitable part-time job that will allow me to help with my daily expenses and at the same time,grow in FAITH as i learn more about U each day.:)
AMEN.

ok...but to my non-christian frens and the secular issues in life..

yes...ive been grounded these few days or rather(self ground myself sometimes) coz of my late nights meeting with people after work(after 9)hees.mum has been calling up at 9plus to check my whereabouts...and ive to come home before 12.
maybe i deserve it.she and daddybear have been really sweet to me by preparing brunch before i go to work for me and coz of my social butterfly status,i'll come back home after they have fallen asleep...BAD GIRL.:(
as im feeling guilty rite now,im trying my best to promise myself tt i must be home by 12 at the very least...juz like how i rushed home after watching YESMAN with krystal and the upcoming movie xxxxxx with cough cough...(my dirty little secret!shh)

i guess theres always a flip side of things when one has to achieve soo many objectives this year that we tend to neglect our loved ones(or rather,our recent loved one).its not easy to please everyone and impossible to even do that..
so i guess..we just gta accept it and comprehend the situation our loved ones are gg through..and as time passes, and what the old saying goes,absence makes the heart grew fonder..we can begin to treasure each other company more everytime.

im excited for that day and cant wait.:P:)hope u'll feel the same way.

2009-01-10T12:46:00.002+08:00

i woke up at 8.30am tis mornin..cldnt really get back to slp after tt.
was rolling ard and pondering abt life by itself.didnt want to emo off either so i played candyman on my hp to keep me grooving.

2008 has indeed been a horrible year for me.bad memories which i do not wish to talk abt and i am amazed by how things cld actually turn for the better tis time...and even so more complicated...if i must sae.
also this jan,i realised how small this world is..

and how im inevitably closely linked to people i do not wish or at least,do not want to be related with.then again,i learnt many things tis mth and just happy and relieved to find some on my side all along.:)

despite the fact tt im working 6 days a wk tis mth and tryin my best to get on with life by meeting people after work and leaving the company on the 30th,it is pretty exhausting.

watever it is,i am clear of my priorities rite now..
-i need to grow spiritually and commit to church.(fellowship with my dearies too!)
-family(to spend more time with ah gong and my beloved grandparents)
-DENVERS cheerleading
-meet up with frens and plain chilling out and catching up..of course money is needed so yea..
-part time job.(emitasia or camp facilitators?)

"hey lawrence,have a safe trip back to the US!thanks for the dinner dates.nice knowing u better in real life instd of juz msning.love ur poshe!"
we went out on last friday nite and tis thursday.(2days ago)
cheer practice gt cancelled ytd due to some low attendance.zzz.took the morning shift juz for cheer.but oh wells,brandon asked me out and we went to,of all places,chinatown?lols.went to this desert stall before we had dim sum for dinner.we walked thru pagoda street to see the lights and all..omg,so crowded.sian,met one the receptionist from emitasia..zzz.sure kana suan..i wanted to cancel out on meeting dict coz brandon and i wanted to catch a movie but due to brandon's retardedness of thinking movies can be found at 7plus8,we forgo that idea.walked chinatown instead..

frens!!can u guys dun be so last minute??do u kw right after brandon's call,winston called and ask if we wanted to meet up.i feel bad when i haf to cancel out on ppl u kw.lols.aniwae,im thinking twice abt gg out with brandon again.hes the worst of both worlds(ask me wat i mean if ur close to me)he was gna meet another gal after me to go home tgt.felt like such a stand in.watever!

shall EMBRACE SINGLEHOOD and meet dict too.
lols..we went home tgt.

me:how do u even study here?its so noisy.
him:well,i was gonna meet u at j8 rite?so i decided to wait for u until u come la.
that was 11pm.
him:so..there was a cheer gathering even if there wasnt practice just now?
me:erm...not really but yea.brandon and i met up..were planning to catch a show but it was too late.
him:oh.

but nothing is going on..
i can feel that mutual need to drift away somehow.he looks a little more sad when i saw him.. and the worse is,im okay with it.

let GET NAUGHTY

2009-01-01T18:49:00.005+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR DARLINGS!!!!

instead of starting on a new note with some lame reflections that a typical blog post will have..
i would like to enlighten thee with a BAM!
WET AND WILD.
ok not really in the beginning.met e222 at vivo to buy supplies for sentosa outing..had to leave by 12 to go to work when i realise i forgot to bring my uniform.zz.the white polo tee is in the wash.guess wat?i brought everything except tt.
hmm..the job doesnt like me huh?watever la.
though its only been a week,its really physically and mentally taxing.there is hardly any proper allocated break for meals so much so tt i cldnt even join my darling cell group for a lunch or dinner break..was soooo bloody disappointed la.
its NEW YEAR EVE PEOPLE.GET A LIFE!

im losing my social life soon..miss hanging out and juz chilling..i mean,6 days week..either 10-7pm or 12-9pm..under the sun..im turning black,not tan.i used to be okay with that but i guess,im becoming more feminine so black skin is not my thing now.
oh wells..i mus admit its fun and all,the people are great...but yea..God,frens,family and cheerleading matters too.
oh well..enuff of the sad stuff..
after all,that was 31st december 2008~_~
aniwae,andrew,zelene,zai and liankai(work pals!)and i went tgt to the siloso beach PARTY and due to the crowd and all,after meeting eneida,shan,weiqing(shan's bf) and wanqi,we lost them for the countdown...irritating.

we were walking and walking still abt 11.30..rushed in for the countdown after we made a deal with the security guard to take care of our stuff.thank U.omg..once we stepped in,WOW.eneida met her fren and our intially three gals nite out became an expanded clique of gals plus 7 to 8 NUM guys..lol.
after the countdown,we went to the FOAM PARTY..WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~finally found the rest of them..:):)
but after awhile,we gt separated again..coz eneida and the rest wanted to drink but zelene cant so we planned to meet at 1.20am at the toilet..guess we were late when we gt back coz my work pals left..i missed the last train out of sentosa.shit.
but wat the heck.no choice.haha.it was still awesome!oh...one of the photos show a pile up..yea..the boys decided to tau pork.crazy.
crashed the chalet for awhile,sms for urgent leave.took a bath at the toilet and back to reality once again!that was 8plus alrdy.. aches and weariness everywhere and i guess a slight fever in the early morings.cab home with my darlings.

stacey concludes that these NUM boys are gay and CRAZY..haha.but yea,thanks for the laughs.

2008-12-29T02:15:00.003+08:00

there are juz soo many things which has passed these few weeks..
-my malacca trip
-mahana chalet(my close temptation to go to butter fact tt day with amanda and krys)
-christmas eve candlelight service.
-first day at segway sentosa..(my second invite to butter factory with phoebe,rejected it coz it was mummy's bdae:)christmas day)

-26thdecember,work...then denvers cheer...oh my,sammie..we learnt a new dance.u better stop skipping..:P

-27th december...HAPPY BDAE< SMALL FISH!I LOVE U.

and not to mention,appreciation lunch with e222..cant believe we r all gonna multiply and separate soon..
i also cant believe tt everyone dun seem to realise tt STACEY IS A NEWCOMER TOO!i came in april,good friday!!according to claudia,no one can believe tt i am a newcomer.zzzz..sad!

-28th dec...which was a few hours ago..work and then meet xiaoshan.lol,to celebrate her bdae in advance..apparently,me skipping my meals took a toil on me today and i had gastric pain and diarrhoea at the same time..how great!
kidda love my job though its tiring and cause one to burn up under the sun..
i get to meet new people everyday and confused tourists who r alwaes asking for directions instead of the ride we are introducing..and the best part is,im working with cute guys and gals of my age.(and slightly below!)its a fantastic thing to look forward to everyday!haha.
we go on "marketing" or wat i call,beach patrol juz so as to promote the new ride.lol.
ohoh..and tks to connections darling..im sooo gg to siloso beach party!!!

shall let the pictures do the talking for my next post.its 2.29am and i ought to be sleepin.gt work later.

my love for u is fading away like a fleeting cloud passing by thy clear blue sky.
the cloud is white and pure,puffy and innocent..
yet,thy clear blue sky is nothing but just a plain fascade hiding away the darkness within its depth..
falling deeper and deeper as it reaches a bottomless pit.

FAITH

2008-12-17T00:57:00.002+08:00

Lyrics | Richard Marx and Donna Lewis - At the Beginning lyrics

remember this song?
yup..it was one of ur favourites..u told me abt it,wanted me to learn so that i can sing it with u...oh,and the lyrics of the song u composed..well..at least part of it.

walking down this rainy road,
holding ur hands and now i kw ur here,holding u close..
tears that fall off,
feeling so cold,
i know ur here..
i know ur hurt..
i know ur my everlasting...

this was the first stanza,it was a breakup song u composed straight from ur heart about a gal and guy who are deeply in love with each other and yet,cant bring themselves to commit to a true relationship.its a pretty sad song..and i was quite hesitant to sing it with or without ur companionship.
just as i cry out to my Lord ytd in my prayer..to give me an answer to my anguished heart.im so tired of love from a relationship rite now,tts why all i need to replace it with is my family and my Heavenly DADDY.a gal needs her time out and I AM THAT GAL.she needs to build up her heart before braving it thru another game of love after a clear distinct failure to the previous one which happen juz mths ago.

the pain disappears but the scars REMAINED

its indeed great to be loved than to love someone and even worse when u are clearly aware of the feelings the the person u love feels the same way and yet..never in their life,would that someone have the courage to confess to u..yes,actions do speak louder than words but sometimes,i feel..the three words.(i love u)will truly make a difference.
as a gd pal discussed with me,i tend to rush and should learn to slow and pace myself down..but sometimes,i feel that if i dun move at my pace,i will lose u..forever.that love will juz slowly fade away and when u finally plucked up the courage again..i juz gotta sae:im sorry,its too late!then again,im aware of my anxious heart..and its ability of trying to take vengeance upon the other one who left it so damaged and down.who quickly jump straight into another rlntship without feeling ashamed of wat he has done.or the feelings of him toying with me the past few mths.
i will not obliged to ur will,my dear heart.i kw u feel tt revenge is sweet and this is the most typical way of wat that bastard may feel as "moving on."
unfortunately and painfully,this is not the way.
thats juz plain immaturity and u will just be falling deeper as wat he is doing
sadly as it sounds,try as it might be..im gonna take it slow..and if sparks still remain as stagnant as it can get,so be it.im sick and tired of this vicious cycle already.
time to take a big LEAP of FAITH and trust in Him.

A GIRLS' DAY OUT(all generations)...gays and husbands not included

2008-12-16T23:34:00.003+08:00

shopping is a never ending past time!
had a great day out with mummy,sherlyn and sammie.grandma and grandaunt followed along.
it was so heart-warming to see how our three generations click..

my grandma is being her usual self, the grumpy old fart at one corner..critical of all clothes we choose while her sister was ironically choosing clothes for me,haha!she is a funky and hip grandaunt man.
and guess wat? we complete the shopping in two shops at an awesome price of below $500!lol.we practically bought the shop down.the clothes are trendy and besides,it wasnt as crowded as orchard..located at tanjong pagar icon village.u gals should try to go there before they tear down the place to transform it to an eating mall.
mummy treated all of us to SEOUL KOOL..omg,i juz love the mashed potato!:))the 6 appetizers like kimchi and potato and some others are unlimited..they juz keep refilling.
due to the icon village promotion,we are able to exchange our receipts of over 300plus for 3 cans of bird nests and 1 umbrella..lol,so awesome!
after countless of changing in and out of clothes,grand auntie treated us to some Ya Kun snack and ice cream down the street before we decided to go to Chinatown.
and let me ask,Wat happens when u put 6 women together?
a loss of directions,of course!
the first generation like my grandma would be..lets take bus,2nd generation like grandaunt(who is 54)and mummy will be:lets ask for direction..bus and mrt while me and my sisters? LETS CAB!lol.

then we walked ard somemore before deciding to go to far east and orchard...my second home where mummy felt goggy by the crowd and we went back to bishan.lol.
ate at food junction and bought a toy for the little kid we r gna visit in malacca.lol,cant wait.rushed home to pack my luggage.(correction,i took out the clothes,my sis packed my luggage)lol.
oh my..I am SUCH A PRINCESSliving a life of one this whole holiday...and i am loving it!:P
wanna be my prince?:)
love u.

2008-12-16T00:32:00.003+08:00

HI..MY NAME IS STACEY KOH AND I AM A SHOPAHOLIC BUT TODAY,I SURVIVED!WALKING AROUND ORCHARD ROAD WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING..FOR 5HRS BEFORE THE NECESSITY(BUYING SHERLYN'S BELATED BDAE PRES):)

hmmmm...went out to orchard with samuel,weijie,nalina,charmaine and darryl todae for shopping..ok wait,WINDOW SHOPPING!arent i gd or wat?hees,finally overcame the temptation for shopping..wanted to be even more vicious to myself and not bring my posb card but i couldnt do it.
received a msg to report at sentosa tmr from 5 to 7pm for a briefing..zzz,gg shopping for real with the living atm..hees,my mummy!:)))so i guess my sisters and i gta rush with the shopping man before gg to malaysia on wednesday.

then..i met sammie with panda and helicia to go get the baking book for sherlyn at kino.i couldnt stop calling tt place yoshi for some reason..haha.cant get these japanese words rite man.lol,talking abt jap,i miss jynette.hmmm..
oh and aniwae,helicia and panda came over to my hse with me and sam..she taught me how to make the smokey eye effect.i think its really cool..lol.

lazy to upload tt eye she make up for me.

juz felt really exhausted today..mentally and physically..its probably the after effect of curbing shopaholicism if theres even such a thing or plainly juz tired..

can one really get tired of hanging and chilling out? this..i dunno.
i cant sae im tired of life's pleasures but sometimes,things juz get soo mundane.

sometimes,i wish everyday becomes a saturday.i will never get sick hanging around in church,listening to sermons and be encouraged once again..its God's grace somehow that seems to inspire me in the most fantasical way.:)

ok..i need to pray.
at least im glad i got a God to turn to to fill up the emptiness within me and not any other material wealth and living possession i used to drift away to in the past..
thank u,O Lord.

2008-12-13T01:47:00.002+08:00

my week activities:
hari raya-went out with my two favourite ppl..yenling and alex.did a little catching up and they decided to give me another makeover.
zzz,i think this is wat i get from hating barbie dolls all my life,believing tt im a little boy who can walk in slippers and sneakers.
the pictures are on facebook but this is juz their product of my makeover.lameness!and its pasta mania again for dinner.lol.oh..alex flirted with the manikin,shes from china and tries to play hard to get.HAHAHa

tues,9dec:cake baking with sherlyn!abit of cam-whoring and mooooooooovie at nite with the family.:)oh ya,shan shan came.missed her much.

wednesday:its LADIES NIGHT!nope.i didnt go.such a gd girl huh.lol.went for a drink with pork but we ended up at the coffee connoisseur,great place with all the cushions.walked ard clarke quay and met some of his ac frens who were drunk.lol.send peishan home coz she was getting high.LOL.hugging pork's floorball stick.expects me to share some gossips with him...u kw.we went to his holiday home and out came the drinks.nah,we went light.didnt drink much.

thurs:my beloved kiran and bhuva called me at 9.10am to go jurong east.lol,had some sun tanning there and swam a little.we had some great fun man!catch up alot and i really miss them.:P(my two fellow feminists who went to club without guys and gt harassed accidentally by banglas)
friday:slack around..played sherlyn's DS and slept.watched the grudge 2..ooh,creepy.
went for cheer..wasnt so bad..juz pretty slack.:)

2008-12-13T00:58:00.002+08:00

have u ever had two consecutive nights dreaming about someone and the beauty of nature and its environment?

i have.

have u ever picture urself walking down a dark forest that is only filled with the sound of chirping birds and songs of the nightingale covered by the patters of the waterfalls?

i did.

have u ever dreamt of walking down the flickering lights of orchard road,holding the hand of someone and cam-whoring intimately with that person u love?

i have.
have u ever dreamt of that particular someone appearing at the harbour in ur country bidding goodbye with an affectionate kiss and hug..to u?
i did..
and he told me to:wait and he'll be back.
all these were part of my dreams from the 9dec and 10th december respectively.
couldnt sleep much after that.

2008-12-07T17:17:00.002+08:00

two words:IM BORED!!!

had e222 chalet tis weekend..lol,spend some really gd quality time with my darling.
KAIQI,i love u!best fren!!!!;)
im sooooooo addicted to BRITNEY's SONGS.its juz so groovable if there was such a word.

helped to cook during the bbq with charmaine.lol.everyone were shocked by me,rite?hahaha...
phoebe and claudia were like: stacey grow up already.no longer a kid..hahah.juz coz of my hair and everything..come on,like wat i told him..dun worry,my personality wont change.;)loves!
i recalled tt day,we were studying together and he randomly pointed out:hey,u kw..u b gg to uni next yr and probably be too hectic in ur schedule..with uni guys ard u..hmmm..i guess i gta learn to be so independent.
omg..i was caught on the spot..so touched but didnt sae much.juz tried to assure him tt i wont forget him.sigh,i miss those days.

wore a dress to service,omg!its so low cut,ah mah had to sew it before i cld put it on.zzz but i love the design.lol,dunno why i wore so glam to church either.maybe coz im juz happy to be surrounded by e222.:)fun and God-loving people.
had to return home after service.sigh!cant go for nite cycling..had to celebrate tigger's bdae(sherlyn)lol,the party ended when i reached home but the preteens only went back after 12..i was asleep by then..exhausted.

juz finished watching body of lies online.damn bored now.read fern's blog and kel..gosh,i miss them!
i miss grace and gerry too.parveen and kiran...where r u gals!!!MIA.

2008-12-03T15:43:00.003+08:00

last but not least..my monday at SENTOSA.
quote linkai:one fine sunny morning,6 idiots went to sentosa to do stupid things.the picz are at facebook.
then at nite,defying his gd advice..i went for inter-jcs post prom with krystal and frens..rudy and wanqi.someone dampened out nite by getting drunk before we reached the club but it was fun overall..:)the music at zouk was awesome man.sadly,he missed it.
met joseph and some innovians..noel took us in with the shortcut.hah.cldnt order drinks by then.
and more photos!
by the way...tues:went to fish and co with krystal who was craving for calamari rings..hahah..babe!and she insist on a makeover..
here are the BEFORE pictures..
shant upload the AFTER pictures juz yet...
but lets juz sae its more successful than the trip and dict and nick.hahah.and i dint spend much too.

yay!!cell group E222..be in for a surprise.hahah

2008-12-03T15:34:00.002+08:00

oh my God.did i tell u the cheap thrills i had with phoebe??
hahah
first:at forever 21,saw a pretty top..phoebe cldnt withdraw money..for three hrs,we walked ard,feeling sympathetic..she called her mum ten times and finally,she realised,its actually savings account instd of current...DOTZ!bimboness
2nd:went to pasta mania at cineleisure with aini and dorothy for dinner,PHOEBE forgt to take her wallet when we left...ran back from the traffic junction after realising it.
3rd:walked to plaza sing...on the side of the road!imagine the cars zooming past us.
4th:ran for the train to harbourfront..i was in heels and carrying 4 bags..lol,phoebe ran ahead,i lagged behind and gt in when the door was closing..hahahahaha.thought i wont see him again.
5th:walked out of the cinema halfway coz it was getting late and we ran for the last train...again..-_-"

this is wat happen when u put two bimbos together..
hahahah
cheap thrills or bimbotic-ness?!

2008-12-03T15:32:00.000+08:00

2008-12-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

more photos!

2008-12-03T15:22:00.002+08:00

saturday...went down to sentosa for on job training..lol,the personal transporter is really FUN.hahs..hey mahanas,u guys be walking when i travel.hahha.

rushed to expo..lol,after service,we took loads of photos with lin kai's phone..its all in my FACEBOOK.hahah.too lazy to upload.we celebrated PHOEBE"S BDAE!!!

---------------------------------------
sunday...30th nov,lol..phoebe and i went out the whole dae,literally...shop like crazy

hi im stacey..i have been diagnosed with COMPULSIVE SHOPPING DISORDER.270 bucks in two shopping trips.?!no joke.

2008-12-03T15:16:00.002+08:00

ended my shopping with a free cab ride from nick to bishan..shit,i lost my tank tops from cotton on..argh!!!its either i left it somewhere or my fault for letting him carry all my shopping bags..was kidda gloomy on the way home but cheered up soon enuff with a big hug.SWEET.thanks for tt.;)

met ivey and caspar and his frens for pubbing..lOL..the joke,i fell asleep in the pub couch..too tired.

2008-12-03T15:01:00.002+08:00

oh...the boys came after 12.WOW!and gta call from krystal that circle at canary juz opened and she had a extra ticket..free FLOW OF DRINKS AND ENTRY!!!shit...i missed it.for my beloved 0743B:)aniwae,pratap took us for a spin in his car...we almost died.haha
praying hard that i will live that nite and get married.hahahahah..joking.
oh..and there was INDIAN POKER.look at jianwen's face..hahah.it was GROSS.cant believe sheefa actually thought the drink which is a fusion of burnt otah,sambal stingray,root beer,coke and wild mushroom.hahaha was GOOD?!

slept for three hrs after ton-ing till 5pm coz of the stupid work..momo woke me up at 8 and yea..they fell aslp on the sofa.LOL.toned the whole nite.
went to eunos for work..waste of time man!shouldnt haf gone.sat there and chat with aini and some random ppl.aniwae,that was my last day,i swear u dun wanna do sales.

and quote.."WITHOUT CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND ENUFF SLP",met him and nicholas at town who apparently sae they wanna give me a makeover..but hello,i dun shop with guys.LOL.
it was so awkward...esp with someone u ought to impress.who was lookin at u as u change to a new outfit.

photos.thought he look gd in that shirt from topman..;)

2008-12-03T14:34:00.004+08:00

this is a photo update..last tuesday,25nov with him,krys and her frens.

just as u sae..we r immersed into a higher level of being on the dance floor where our true self is shown n exposed..i chose to live with that thought baby..coz i had a great nite with u.

thurs to friday:27th to 28th nov.lol...it was crazy man..britney fiasco..WOMANIZER,HEART ATTACK..INDIAN POKER,oh my God,oreo milkshake,i juz realised how evil ms leong can be..hahah.but one word..FUN!

2008-11-27T01:26:00.002+08:00

oh GOD..i thought i was gonna lose u forever bloggie!i forgt the password..its been mths..hahahahah
and i mus sae...HALLELUJAH!PRAISE GOD..my A"S are over..benito!!

cant blog long la..very tired..plan my monday evening to slp but apparently,i wasnt tired and my freaking period juz haf to come..such a bloody spoiler..
so i went to disturb my beloved neighbours..joshy and caspar.hees,they were like chiong "need for speed" before we head to the pasar malam for a walk since i haf no plans..LOL.
tuesday was even more hectic.woke up at 9.15,4 job interviews..three of which turn out to be recruit express(bloody waste of time!)signed up for one with noel and left..ooh..and i met yiling.so happy!actually unexpected..hahs.we walked ard for awhile at far east,crapped alot.
then..noel went off to meet his brother.yiling went interview and i went to find AINI!she rocks la,juz haf to intro me a job that have mass recruitment and now,i am IN!stayed there for orientation till abt 6plus and went home..

before the nite began..MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
at 9.30,gt a call frm someone and with make up and a pretty simple dress..
and BABY....HERE WE CLUB!>><<
took quite a few pictures man.
shall upload it the next time.its on facebook anyway.

lead me out of the moonlit floor
lift ur open hand,strike up the band
make the fireflies dance,silver moon sparkling..
so kiss me.

we danced and grooved the nite away....love it.:P

yayness

2008-07-05T15:18:00.006+08:00

hey all!watsup?
havent been updating yo..been rather bz with prelim 1(AAHHHHH)stressed..and PRAISE the LORD!grandpa is alrite now.tks for all the prayers,e222.the fear i felt within me was so overwhelming these coming wks tt i thought i wldnt be able to survive it thru.thank God too.shall post on granddaddy soon..
hahas..prelim 1 was a killer in general.will be awaiting my impending doom in the near future(aka next wk when we get back the papers)zzz.we had the bloody full alvl style la.i nearly died writing those 8 hist essays and 6 lit essays.it felt so never ending and tedious that one wld almost freaked out and stay dead on the ground instd of doing the paper.and the qns were.........oh my mama.--ambivalence

but i passed GP.HALLELUJAH.honestly,the paper was the toughest to me.wat abt 'violence being the loudspeaker of the oppressed'..dotz.that was one of the easiest,mind u.scraped a freaking 46.5% for the overall compre and essay.

"EVERYONE DESERVES TO DIE,EVEN U,MRS LOVETT..EVEN I"

in order to reward myself,i decided to slack and pon thurs!weeeeeeeeeee..hahah.no life.i lazed ard the hse,played my hula,danced to the music and went on a movie marathon with whosoever at home.never did thought i wld enjoy tis solitude but i guess,one do need some time alone to appreciate more things in life.:)besides,i didnt really feel neglected or lonely..juz felt really calm and relaxed..yet at the same time,i was anticipating the big evening im gonna spend with my beloved tuition clique the next day.hah.
here comes the big day~MUAckZ
people who came: kel(bdae boy),jiahao,joshy,benben,me,daniel:),huifern.apparently,ms charmaine yap was MIA after planning for tis day(we called abt 10times!)and yea..ahem.shall not debate on his presence or not coz even if he comes,i aint gonna let the clique be suffering under the awkwardness of being ard both of us.he is bulk and not worth pouring my tears on ever again.
aniwaes...
we went to aston's at cathay for dinner.(place char recommend and yet didnt turn up)
ohohohoh..and forgot to quote,daniel,me and huifern had to wait for the bdae boy for 52mins!!!!!no joke can.stupid KELVIN.but ok,he bought us over and treated me and fern to mac breakfast tis morn.hehhehe..dan and i were actually talkin happily on random stuff like alcohol.?!and was daring me to drink wid him.hah.bring it on.
yea..but sadly,intense awkwardness began to evoke in both of us when kel and fern starts bugging in abt..tender loving care and stuff like,'dan,wah,so concerned arh?'
like hello!!!!it was freaking embarassin la.for awhile,we played along but after tt,somehow,we juz stop talkin altogether.he nearly left while waiting for ppl la,tks arh kel.and im still curious abt the whos concern for whom thingy.
wanted to smash kel with the cake man.but oh well,we had our fair share of fun teasing him and fern.heees.

then..we went over to play pool somewhere at selegie.wow!jiahao found his match man.daniel is dam pro.lol,reminded me of the first time i learned pool from him,ok..shant say much or it might arouse further teases.he taught me good.held on to my arms as i pushed the balls into the holes.oh well.tt was in the past!;)i played awhile,drank up raspberry vodka,Gross!cough mixture and jiahao got high again..tis time,on sugar as he gulped down half of the apple soda cocktail mixer i bought...dotx

oh..and kel and huifern were still hungry so all of us decided to go for TOU HUI break!!!ahahahhahaha.somewhere nearby.it was so funny.during the nite,they were talkin abt some sick jokes tt my 'innocent' mind cld not comprehend.hehs.this was like 1145pm.

ended the nite with our long journey back home to BISHAN on 162 with ppl like kel gg,"hey,dan..lend stace ur shoulder leh.shes fallin off her seat."wah..sian.IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

kel and fern crashed my place to watch movies.and we ordered macs at 5.08am!had a heart-to heart talk..kel left earlier to meet his frens and i send huifern off to meet zane at j8.shit.no milk tea.and I am gna be late for church if i continue..see u.oh..yay!lookin forward to watching battle royal with this beloved clique soon..DANIELmy best form of destressing!

~maybe u seem perfect in my eyes some years ago..but soon,i began to realise..we live on different worlds.maybe it is juz fate that we r destined to be tis way.and even as we shared overwhelming chemistry and love tgt,it seems to have almost disappeared.maybe we were just..unfortunately,not meant to be.
but u..my love,was the history of my world.nothing else.

2008-06-22T13:33:00.002+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.i just wanna SCREAM.
i cant tell u why.at least not now.
im not feeling myself today.
i was alrite ytd though..went gymming with dict,mugged,church and then..that.
thanks for ur prayers,E222.ur overwhelming concerns moved me.dun worry,i will hold on tight.staying in faith..but i juz cant seem to focus now.
i cld mug econs ytd nite after returning home..im juz losing my interest out of the blue today.samuel called to check if i was alrite.sorry i cant join u guys today at esplanade library.its been great studyin with u,charmaine,liting and nalina.
i kw i need to be strong.
i am..
but juz very worried..
cant help it.
tmr...HISTORY@_@

2008-06-20T15:49:00.004+08:00

Jesus, Take The Wheel:Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

my daily bread:
what causes fights and quarrels among you? dont they come from your desires that battle within you?you want something but dont get it.you kill and covet,but you cannot have what you want.you quarrel and fight.you do not have because you do not ask God.when you ask,do not receive because you ask with wrong motives,that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
James4:1-3
In the same way,faith by itself not accompanied by action,is dead.
James2:17

2008-06-12T01:05:00.002+08:00

hello..again
sleepiness!!!!
attempting to get back my drive which i haf lost during the camp..lol,totally lost it on mon.then on tues,krystal smsed me and we headed down to the cc at 9.30am to mug.guess wat?it was EMPTY.woot!so we left our bags there and went for breakfast b4 muggin again to abt 4.45 when i completely shut off.listless.moody.was quite reluctant to go to the cc..wanted so badly to tell krystal to go to another place but oh wells..hahs.i survived!and met up with joseph at nite who treated me to dinner at pizza hut.tks man!i kw u owe me but dun haf to spend so much.lol.we had a great chat at taekwondo place b4 he heads home..oh man,thruout tis time,my head was still in the camping mood..im pretty sure i completed hours at the cc but absorb probably only half of it.gosh.
the games were juz soo awesome!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhh
except for the fact that apparently,i was one of the lightest in the cg and had to be carried over for two station games.one was some poison river thingy and the other...oh my gosh..
aiyo,so embarassing!
its called captain queen.basically,its like captain ball but the captain has to be dressed in toilet paper and the balls used are water bombs.so whoever captain got wet first will lose.but the catch is..the thrower has to be piggybacked or shoulder seated.
ahhhhhhh!i had to be on samuel!!ahhhhhhh..my brother in Christ and partner in stress and hecticness of jc life.just that hes from RJC and i frm IJC
at first,we tried the shoulder seat.but the other team played dirty and kept steppin his foot.he lost balance and i was like swaying in the air.but praise the Lord,he didnt fall.i did.hahas.i was worried coz his specs dropped.so we tried the other method,piggyback..IT WORKED!yay!we zoooomed across JJC synthetic field,right smack onto the queen's clothes and the toilet paper fell apart.it was nicely done!

hes damn fast man!its either i lost weight and grown lighter or hes juz strong.i believe the latter.lol.
theres tis other game where we had Bible challenge so i helped by singing the song i learnt in pri sch.matthew,mark,luke,john,the acts,romans,corinthians....st.margs gals,do u rmb?i kw i do.:)
oh well...that was like i guess the highlight of my holidays.to samuel and i,it was our study break.we got stuck at amk to like 12am juz coz of stupid mrt svc which terminated there.was planning to walk home but he injured his ankle so we waited for his parents to send us back.
wednesdae todae,juz mundane.

i studied econs from 2.10 to abt 6 with numerous breaks i must sae.there was one which i juz dozed off.lol.but at least,im done with notes for international trade and merrill had to spoil it by tellin me abt army,trying out some new tank which can spin 360 degrees while im stuck at my bks...zzz.aiya,why cant u book out earlier?really hope u can make it for svc on sat man!or else..whose gonna accompany me if i get stalked again?lol.jkjk.im not so wonderful.juz gonna miss ur entertaining army stories and brotherly love.:P
MUmmy bought tickets to kungfu panda.super hilarious.its been a long time since i watched with my family.really missed it.;)

2008-06-09T15:20:00.002+08:00

HEYHEY....I am sooo back!;)
miss me?lol.
Neos camp rocks.youth in Christ.Be revived.GO CORINTH!
well..i left the camp one dae earlier unexpectedly.the games,the activities were soooo awesome that samuel and i kidda miss our books and felt really bad for not studying.we planned to bring our notes and mug the nidnite oil but the camp only allow us to slp beyond 2am and it seem plain pointless to stay up if we were to wake up at 6.30 yea?so coming back early was the least we cld do to give us time to K.O and rest till todae.
i learned soooo much in tis camp,i can hardly put all into words.haha.
it started off with service on sat..pastor robb thompson came to preach.
it was really impactful as he shared with us five points abt our christian life.

1)the most celebrated demon in all of hell was the one assigned to convince you that God is the cause of ur emptiness.(songs 5:37,John 15:8)
2)prosperity is having more tha enough provision to fufil wat God requires.(phil 4:11-19,corr9:6-12)
3)God will never give you a future that makes Him unnecessary.(phil1:29)
well..
i aint gonna go on further but i really thought the third one impacted to me the most.it hit me to realise that the things which God has blessed us with,when we become too contented with them..and drift away from Him as our main focus in life,it shall be taken away from us.
but one may feel that God is such a selfish man and jealous too but think abt it,werent we in the wrong for replacing Him first?after all,man cannot sustain men.biologically,we need to depend on one another for survival.but man can nv replace God and by replacing our priority with worldly affairs,isit worthwhile in heaven?
everything in my life durin that wk started to make sense to me now.sometimes you wnt realise things arent the way one expect it to be.we can question Him,we can scold Him,we can blame Him.but our Heavenly Father is our Father if u believe so.He wouldnt want u to invest on a life without harvest.and as much as He loved us,He dun wish to see us hurt even further.He would rather we blame Him nw than later when we regret it..when theres no turning back.
i truly believe now..that God has much better plans for me.i may not kw it but im anticipating and believing in Him that would turn out fine.all these months of questioning and asking God juz has to stop.Faith is wat i need.

hey,anyone of u may find my post too typical..but Trust me,i found my true love in JESUS Christ.relationships may bless one with upmost happiness and but also sadness..
it feels great to love someone.and to be loved.but have u truly experience an undivided love,one that has never left u even in ur darkest hour even as u believe he did?who lives within u once u accepted HIm into ur life?
i am in CHRIST,CHRIST IS IN ME.

all these above are a reflection of my life during the wk leading to the camp.
i would sae it was a real miracle that happened to me on friday b4 the camp.the past few mths,i knew i haf moved on but instances like missing somebody cannot be denied.but when i do so,it gets really bad,esp in the nite.esp when that someone seem to allow himself to like someone else..and tell u that all these happen after the break and that it was juz a crush or perhaps,an incident where that gal was juz there when he needed someone the most.esp when he tells u that he felt nothing wrong in doing so.and assure u that its easy to like someone but to love..its difficult and that he was faithful and true when we were still tgt even though that gal was ard.all these...i had to find out for myslf..
i began to pray..cldnt slp a wink.even took out my econs and studied.prayed for a sign,prayed to the Lord to let all these stop.Lord, challenges are there to strengthen us but u told me that u will never give me any challenges i cannot withhold.i kw u r always here for me but tis is the greatest challenge i cant face,God.i wanna slap him,i wanna chide him,i wanna shout at him,i wanna sever all ties with him and i want a mind without him all together.a mind without his existence..but at the same time,i dun want to lose this guy.i dun wanna lose him even as hes doing all these to me.
Help me,Lord.i prayed and prayed and prayed..i was all prepared to do all those to him alrdy.my violent self is evoking once again.(dun try anything stupid)thats wat kiran,marcus and alex were tellin me.but thinking that God left me,i have to stand up on my own,for my own.until that afternn,it was God's gift to me,the gift of friendship.
alex accompanied me that day,making sure that i dun do stupid things and even waited for me till my tuition end b4 we watch a dvd tgt.atnite,char called and asked if i was alrite.i was shocked.we havent spoken since my bdae last oct and she seem to kw how i felt.i missed taekwondo but caught up with marcus and leonard at nite.didnt want to tell them anything else as i was cheered up alrdy.somewhat.then,he have to call me..there were tears,shoutings and chiding throughout the 2hrs plus talk till 12.45am.

i was truly disgusted.thats all i gotta say.i was awaken frm the delusion ive been living in..u wanted to trash things out all together but tis was something i find it really hard to accept esp when its coming from u,kian.theres juz so much i need to learn abt u..and i guess time is wat we need to help us forge tis frenship..once again.im glad we ended on a lighter note,smiles and the rainbow over the thunder clouds that slowly drift away.
but now..dun blame me when i sae..i need to learn to trust u again.im sorry

2008-06-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

hello...my mundane updates.
tues and wednesday have been the worse days ever for me tis wk.
honestly!
no one wants to study with me at all these two daes.
it seems to be their slack daes.
so weird..in the middle of the wk.?!
aniwae,it was all compensated.
i spent my afternn todae(technically thurs!)with marcus and his fren,sherman at coffee bean.
we were mugging econs while marcus was doing PHYSICS.ergh!gross.
then two cj gals came and sat down..
they looked hardworking,taking out their books and all..

then,OH my mama..
"hey,u heard abt it?like oh my god,i heard that ivan....."blahblahblah..
and they went on for the next 2hrs..
"like oh my god,im soo hungry"
can i haf ur cookies?
no..u cant i need it to survive tuition later..
(second gal takes and continuously eat cookie)
oh tis is soo gd..
heyhey,i wonder whos gonna be my prom date?
and blahblahblah blah..
sherman got soo pissed that he continuously chided them in cantonese..LOL.i juz sat and laughed like shit.marcus had to go off to fetch his apple baby home.so it was me and sherman left to b tormented beside them.they were saeing stuff like,
"i only learn wat comparative advantage is during tuition"feelin so enlightened_with that bimbo gist.
OH GOD.save us.
but it was productive la..we were successful in ignoring them for quite a few hrs until a brain freeze ard 6.15pm.
more cj ppl came and sat beside us.talkin juz abt the same thing..not studying.
i was rather disappointed with wat i saw todae..i mean,i thought it was a hardworking sch.

oh wells..innova and yj all the way!
oh..sherman and marcus got poisoned todae.they drank the full cream milk and i think it was overdue..i scared fat and took the skimmed milk at the counter.LOL.

egocentric guys.so watever gals..man,what has the culture become?

2008-06-03T17:58:00.002+08:00

Rose,
thats wat it is..
a symbol of hope,love,joy,ultimate happiness..
but wat happens when the petals shed?
the flower peels and withered into mere existence.
it is then thrown on the ground..waiting to be trampled on by someone.

that once beautiful rose has lost its vitality,its energy,its mode of existence.

that once pretty little thing has faded into darkness..left in the wilderness,struggling to gather its strength and find its way back....

slowly,painfully..she stood up once again.
stronger,better and willing to embrace any calmities ahead.
no matter how deep those thorns and scars pierced into her life,all she ever wanted..
was to let those responsible for it to learn the true meaning of forgiveness..to start life afresh.
even if it means for her to absorb all those blows thrusted unto her.

she could choose to do wat her head saes..
send a harsh remark..get a grip!GROW UP.
but why ruin it?
why think of the negative things when u kw wat u haf gone thru with the other party were gd times..and positive frenship which cannot be forgotten?
LIVE AND LET LIVE PEOPLE.;)

2008-05-29T21:51:00.002+08:00

i kw its meant to be a completion
and i ought to feel that its over and settled..
this dispute and horrible misunderstanding.

but i juz cant help and wonder abt wat i did that wronged u,that hurt u.
at the same time,u ve got to admit tt it was ur actions and behaviour tt cause me to misunderstand ur intentions.ur ways of aversion to the situation by callin it "inconsequencial"...it hurts.
then again,i realised tt u havent been completely true abt ur problems to me when we were best frens..i kw its juz u,ur character to keep things to urself..but at least,spare a thought?let me kw a little and ask no further?was that too much to ask?

im not completly at fault.u kw u play a part too,i hope.
sigh,i dun wanna dwell on tis anymore.
i juz hope our frenship will improve in the near future

the day u can speak to me without any barriers will be the day u cld actually put down and forget all this that has happened...

God,i pray tt day will come soon..my Lord,in faith i will understand.Let me trust in U.

2008-05-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

juz wanna sae..
i was sooooooooo glad that we patched up..
i kw u r happy too.
but do me a favour?

STOP PUTTING ME tgt with some other guy which i dun like.

that guy who tagged my blog was from heart of God,not who u think he is.
im solely focusing on my studies now..
followed by frens..
relationship....will take its form when time and destiny brings us together again.
i kw ur still hurt but we agree on tis frenship together..
could u give us a chance...as frens?and not attempting to push me to some other guy and wish me happiness..
i dun like that..

after all that has happened,i seriously cant bring myself to love anyone else.

i cant even bring myself to love anyone at all..

im serious abt tis.

STOP IT.

2008-05-12T17:59:00.002+08:00

hey hey
__

ok..dun mind me,juz trying to be lame...juz completed an IOW pc for ms yap aka drama teacher i/c.need to empty my brain.hopefully,she can mark it on time for my preparation for tmr's test.ahhhhhh!i cant wait for tmr to be over!check tis out.
8.10am to 3.40pm---school,with last period(pe!teachers,no physical pls..at least not tmr..)
4.10pm to 6.10pm---lit IOW pc and THE tempest test..
6.10pm to 9pm?!-drama!!!sians..

syf is on wednesday..at acjc.we will be dismissed at 9.10am so technically,there is no point in gg to sch for juz one hr..zzz

sigh..staceywasey is dizzy wuzzy..shes gonna miss three tests thanks to drama syf!
-some maths shit for half an hr-45mins
-yap's lit dom timed practice
-econs case study test
hopefully not lit lecture too when chitra go thru bnw and hmt coz i really need that.
havent been in touch with those two books,i feel sooo lost sometimes.heheh..shall sneak back to lit lect hall if i can..i dun care.>,<

gosh..i sound like a total nerd..hey,but im a cool one,k?

had a great time at sentosa with my babes at kiran's beach party on sat.sunbathing,burying darren who turns out to look like Ariel with six packs and D cup boobs.haha.shall upload the photos soon after
kiran pass me back the thumbdrive that is not mine with all our pics inside!!!(-__-)' i passed it to her last mth.

then there is mother's day!yay
wanted to cook for mummy but she thwarted my plans by leaving the hse so early.so creative clever ME decided to fold a black shiny paper into three parts,each for my two bimbotic sisters and MOI to write a love note to her.we got her a heart-shaped cake and celebrated mother's dae at dien xiao er at amk hub.
amk hub..
sigh,dreaded gg there though..had bad bad cramps even till now,it is aching even as i type this..no appetite the whole dae and thou shall not spell out the other reason why i dread gg to that lovely place.
sometimes,things are best left unsaid.:)

dun worry..i am ok.
i believe that time heals all wounds and things shld not be left unresolved or we will all be like the "spectres that grieve"

oh shit..too much IOW.

but its true...loves!

2008-04-23T23:46:00.002+08:00

phew...getting used to my hectic bz life.
sch to abt 2plus,3plus..then mug at the library with random ppl and then cheer at 6 or sth..juz had a econs test todae..LOl..really hope to do well for this topic.i even studied after ytd's cheer practice..
was soo exhausted.
woke up wif body aches for awhile..
then mug history with othniel whom i met at the external validation meeting for cg chairpersons.LOL.eh,they had POP talent show,i didnt go okay?went to study instd.
i photocopied some papers..ought to be completed soon..but cheer is time-consuming and tiring..but fulfilling..
ahhhhhhhhhhh
so many things to do tis wk.
thurs-history test(wat the hell m i online for?sigh,the more i read,i think the more i forget.)
fri-external validator interview in the morn(so im gna miss econs lect)muz read thru!
cheerleading review for all houses..(muz perfect stunts and steps tmr!)
lit consultation with yap(oh shit,muz prepare raju essay!)
taekwondo at nite..weeeeeeeeeee..i will fail grading..lol,nervous attack.
sat---church service!yay.met two great innovian j3s who r in the army now,one of them currently sharing with me his army life..
its sooo fun la..
maybe i shld go if i fail my aces.
hahs

2008-04-20T23:31:00.002+08:00

oh hello folks!
welcome to my beloved blog once again..
i realized that i haf so many readers who juz refused to tag my blog..
how wonderful...who would tend to regurgitate what i wrote to me personally..
come on..TAG PEOPLE!
hmm..had a rather okay weekend.
meet the parents session in sch was HORRIBLE on a friday night.
my mummy listened intently to the principal,had a rather long chat with ms leong and yanks with kiran's mum on how time is very short..

ouch..my life took a turn since that night..
shes been nagging at me abt studies..something she hasnt done since i entered secondary school..at least to me of course.apparently,she didnt haf to worry for me coz i was the daughter who went express..
made me rush back after dinner and service on sat night..and to appease her and assure her that my studies will not be affected by church,i mugged history till 1am.
then juz tis morning again,she insist that i need to come out wif a topic lists for her..both econs and history.
ouch..so painstakingly,i chunked out every topic i learnt since last yr.
before that,i had to go down to popular and buy assessment bks and stationary..sigh.
I LOVE JANET!
if she wasnt here for me throughout this time,i would haf died or be miserable till tmr comes man..
we went crazy after awhile and started cam-hogging..
lol,shall post those pics up soon.
i did my lit template!
well..i did the least work todae as compared to my other daes..

my new beginning

2008-04-16T23:24:00.003+08:00

LIfe

this is gonna be my new beginning..
anticipation

gosh..this guy who wrote the poem..
he needs to watch his tenses
shall write a new one...
especially for my loves....FRENds!

2008-04-13T17:47:00.003+08:00

Can you hear that?
Pieces of glass falling and shattering on the ground.
No,Im wrong..
the glass is hollow..
Unlike the heart,it is empty inside.
While in this tiny heart,
lies sorrow,remorse and regrets..
Behind that broken mask..

significant placed on the last line.
stacey scribbles.

2008-04-10T23:19:00.002+08:00

Flame,
is what i feel inside.
Hate,
is what i wish to express
Hurt,
is simply intolerable
Beneath that wry cheery smile,
that smile which most probably brighten up someone's day..
i am crushed by that inner most pain i feel within.
not by those happy faces i see in school nor the teachers' exclamation of joy,
i am not heartless,
but rather, your words were like arrows stabbing straight into my big yet vulnerable heart
piercing me from all width and sides,
just like a thousand needles on my feet..tiny yet painful.

u make me hate u.
let me repeat tis..im not cinderella, i dun need u to rescue me or in this case,tell me what u plan for urself..u self-centered jerk. after 3yrs of waiting for me and another 6-7mths of loving me..all u do is to bring back one conflict and kill us all.?! how long do u wanna continue tis vicious cycle.?

2008-04-07T23:40:00.002+08:00

sigh...
i dun wanna tok abt it.
i dunno if its a gd thing or a bad thing
he wants my true happiness..i can tell
but told me not to wait for him..dun want me to be even more hurt after waiting for two yrs.--implying tt i shldnt resist change
im glad u r happy wif ur life now..im used to my life too..i mean at least,i dun look back and miz u too much.
u juz hope we can be buddies..as before.
hugs....its gna take time.
i kw.

2008-04-06T00:56:00.004+08:00

my latest craze..cant stop listening to this song but imeem is failing on me so i cant change song for my blog but heres the lyrics..
cinderella by tata young.

When I was just a little girl
My momma used to tuck me into bed and she read me a story
It always was about a Princess in distress
And how a guy would save her and end up with the glory

I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I wanted to be
Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me

(Chorus)
I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side
Don't want to depend on no one else
I'd rather rescue myself

Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart and mind
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am
Don't need nobody taking care of me

I will be there for him just as long as he will be there for me
When I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing

(Chorus)

I can slay my own dragon
I can dream my own dreams
My knight in shining armour is me
So I'm gonna set me free

(Chorus)

sigh..so sleepy!!!!
started off with math at 2pm..couldnt sustain that..went on to finish case study for econs block test corrections.gosh,i need to brush up on my concept.
hmm..left for church at city harvest.heh,was kidda late..oops.
anyway,juz so u kw..since gd fridae,i went to ziling's church in the morn and by default,i went to cityharvest later on,partly just to accompany kianhow..
but after awhile when kh and i separated to find our own frens for service,i felt sth there.God's presence?
He gave me three tasks to fufill after easter.
one with frenship
another with relationship
and thirdly abt gg back to serve in GB..
actually,i hope to believe that this cld be my subconscious self playin a trick on me,some sorta enlightenment but i guess..i was wrong.
that very same dae..i got an offline msn message from kumathi askin hows life for me and how she give up and regret after baptizing..so i promised her that i wnt baptize till im 21 and clear with my faith.
well..now,the only prob she has is that she dun like city harvest..so im still deciding where and which church to go to.but i have alrdy made frens with bryan's cell group..sigh.and timings are not right to her and she wants me to guarantee her not to donate so much to church,esp cityharvest.
well..i dunno..lets ask God to decide for me.
and i met yiling todae.lol,i thought she knew i was at church coz kh was looking for me after service on gd friday.she asked ziling about us and oops,i havent updated ziling on the whole situation.guess i will call her when day breaks.
yes..kh.im sorry tt its just my nature to express my emotions thru words openly so here it goes..
I miss U..and ur reassuring touch on last friday after my cross country.
but then again,i prayed.
prayers worked miracles.
u r at the back of my head now.. though i think of u still..i can live life without knowing ur problems or missing too much of u.
juz assure me that u will emerge stronger and happier after each predicament and im pretty sure u will.
stacey aka ur happy and quiet presence is alwaes here for u..like u want her to,buddy.
gtg slp now..zzz..nitez

2008-03-31T22:03:00.002+08:00

hey guys!!!!
wats sup yo?
as i promised..the poems..these sorta sums up my emotions during the daes i havent updated the blog.the emotional turmoil i went thru..

Hurt.18th mar08

Hurt,is like this desolated heart..
that is left to engulf this complicated world.
Pain..is what this little heart is going through.
Every traces,every part is to be trampled,stamped and slained.
Anguish painfully wallow its soul,its body and its mind.

A Mind already filled with remorse,guilt,shame,and agony from the river of love.
the river of love..never ending,ever brimming..
not of sweetness,not of happiness..
but rather,the overshadowing of darkness,sorrow and death.

Give it time,some may say.
this is just life paving its way
But have anyone ever considered...
the hurt,the anguish and the extreme pain this little heart is going through?
the overwhelming grief it is experiencing inside?
that emotional turmoil,those little bits of chaos fighting its way out?
every single day,every single second?!
Make it stop!make it stop!
all the voices everywhere baffled and drowned off the faded sounds of this tiny bitsy little thing.
Slowly,painfully..life eats the way of the little heart.
Chaos found its way out.
this little heart...ceased into existence.

dun worry,ppl..this poem was written by me at my lowest point when i was totally melancholic over things..but its OVER now!!!TRULY GOD"S GRACE:)

damn the freaking com is still spoiled..or at least there is no music.which suxz
no idea wat ms samantha koh wee ping did with the com..ahhhhhhhhhhhh!i kidda lost my pics and the msn display pics too..ahh,was sooooo deprived that i haf to log in to photobucket to look at pics of me and him and my other frens..
dun worry..its not that i miz him or anything.
well..at least, not as much as during the march hols when we werent talking la
we r cool wif ourselves now..:)
it was worthwhile gg for taekwondo trng after 3.2km road run..really worth it..
thank God i went tooo!!
or i wld probably miz out the last time we will ever ignore the world ard us and juz co-exist together,poking...teasing..playing..impersonating..good times,good times.

dont worry,we r best frens NOW..we'll see after alevels,dun worry..

he said sth else which really moved me..shant tell u unless u ask.heh,for me to kw,for u to find out.
i was truly touched and comforted by these words.tears.
i didnt need to hear it from u though.i was alrdy cool wif things abt u not tellin me..coz i trust u but thanks.:)

anyway...back to reality.errrrrgh!!!block tests grades.i haf woken up,jumped off the bed,baby.

the art of losing

2008-03-21T00:06:00.002+08:00

im at reagan hse now..lol
my com...lets not talk abt it.
for all times,my sis chose to use now to reformat the bloody com using her ite knowledge..zzz..1st yr la.use my com to experiment.

block test juz officially ended for me..reagan,janet,joshy and i decided to go on a movie marathon..first at joshy's hse then reagan hse..
wat the hell?!lit paper pc was both abt love..
one set of poems were abt marriage(-_-) which i cant do coz i would probably not find the courage to do so..
the other was abt the art of losing..losing someone precious.damn!
its alrite..im fine.the exam is over.
den janet decided to watch:i m legend,which was soo emo..i left halfway to fetch joey home and avoid the movie.
we watched little man next..super funny!brighten up my day;)
then i came to reagan hse to watch alien vs predator two..lol,i love the gore.
yup//suppose to hand up fast and fresh script but wat the heck?i cant log in.

its the most vernerable and transitional period to talk abt us now..i dun wish to do so too..like wat everyone says,its best to sae nothing when theres nothing good to talk abt..comfortable solance.
i will upload a certain poem soon..sth i haf been writing this few daes.
yup.
c u guys.

2008-03-05T23:03:00.002+08:00

and between now and then,
till i see u again...
i'll b loving u
love,me
hey..
well,i guess that family issue u are encountering is seriously blowing u off ur head..
i dun wish to force it out from u further,yea?
guess u juz need some time to sort out ur life and family issues..
no worries..
im rather comfortable moving on wif life.
u take care,ya?i c u on friday night at taekwondo.;)
smiling hopefully.

phew!!!!i m juz counting my blessings la..i love kiran
i love bhuva
i love yenling
i love alex
i love grace
i love gerry
i love val and adzlynn,ryan
i love 0743B
i love drama mamas
i love MY FRIENDS in general.
without them, i doubt i will survive this term n all the emotional turmoils i went thru...would haf caused anyone to be suicidal
isn it wonderful?i havent been late and nv been absent for the whole term!!10weeks!!!
lol..incredible.
juz contented for all my frens..zzzz
alevel chinese result on fri
and GP block test...AHHHH

2008-03-01T09:36:00.002+08:00

HEY yo!
i am glad we r finally talking again two daes ago.it was really awkward at first coz u kept asking for unnecessary things like some person in sch.thou shall not mention the name.juz happy that we thought things thru and the time we had away frm each other worked for awhile..i was super hyper after drama playwriting course ytd..lol,from 2.30 to 6plus,which kidda made my day alot more better when i go for taekwondo at nite.hahs.:)
u had the runs and spent 15mins of our precious taekwondo time in the toilet.u werent even looking at me when i stroll in late but after ur diarrhea,u smiled at me and broke off the tension between us.being as crazy as usual,i was making the little kids and marcus and leonard laugh over stupid things while u struggled to remember ur pattern..haha,wif that "i feel lost and blur" face u alwaes give me when u attempt to melt my heart.zzz,before blaming it on me for starting that silly face on u.
when we r on our way home,kianleong was soo sweet to even listen to me and walked ahead of us juz so i cld talk to u alone.
guessed we both need time to adapt to our complicated relationship and talking abt random stuff which happens in sch juz ease away the tension.:)
u apologized to me in advance in case u snapped at me anytime when we meet every morning.i understand.theres probably some problems which u r facing by urself..not regarding me(as u often reassured me)that u r not comfortable to talk abt yet.its alrite.i m sure u will confide in me when the time comes.
even though i alwaes have a hectic friday night rushing from sch to taekwondo b4 coming home again to the dark hdb flat where my sisters and parents only come home after 11.
u completed my day,kianhow.thank u.
even as a bestie,u held on tightly to my hand and lay a gentle kiss at it.
we hugged after we meet and b4 we sae goodbye.
how i often give u a little peck on the cheek after we hugged and u playfully tries to resist it and saying,"i cant put tis(relationship) down now if u continue doing that."
well..sorry man,i cant help it.love seeing u getting bullied..by me.hahs
to conclude,i dun need a man to survive.
but i do need LOVE to keep me alive..friendship,kinship or juz pure sheer innocent love.
u said u will have such a "wonderful" life in ur new class but i sae..time will pass very fast as long as u keep in mind that im the first u see every morning.
i'll try to be that sunshine over ur cloudy day as much as i can.
juz shower me wif care and love like wat u did yesterday..THE LEAP YEAR.29february08
i haf gaven up trying to describe our relationship now..lets juz agree and call it,COMPLICATED.
reply my letters!;)my 'special fren.'

2008-02-24T14:55:00.002+08:00

i guess this is it..
we will be taking a break for now..
ur parents found out abt us.they r not happy abt it.
ur soccer trainings is tying u to the ground..(the thing which i hope cld allow u to meet me after training has turned against me)
ur parents are observing ur every single move such tt u cant even haf time for non-cjcians outside sch.
u need to do well tis yr..for bursary award to help ur family.
u cried
u sobbed
u swear and promised tt u wnt want another gal.
u want me to wait for u..if i can wait for daniel,will i wait for u?
i said yes..i will.i love u.

i admit..im sorry for being demanding abt asking for time from u when u r really tied down.
but if u r gonna continue acting so distant from me,its not going to improve our situation.
u told me tt if i found another guy,u wnt blame me.
do u kw..how much this hurts me?
i wrote u a poem to encourage u.ur name is like the voice of my soundtrack everydae and u cld actually sae such a thing to me?

i hope ur situation will improve by the end of this yr when u focus on scoring ur aces..b4 we get tgt again,with ur family acceptance..i do believe tt ur parents will understand.PLs dun try to prove me wrong.

maybe this weekend which we stopped talkin is a gd thing.
we juz need time to be alone for awhile.
i hope things are gna be different tmr..
i hope u r feeling better.
lastly,
i love u

2008-02-18T14:55:00.002+08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
phew...juz went for my last house visitation ytd..u see,my parents haf the habit of celebrating the whole season of 15 daes and yaya..u can sae,YAY!more daes of gambling hongbao money and social drinking but oh no,its not good when u haf a daughter gg for her alvls this yr..and her block tests coming up very very soon..!!!^shrugs,shakes head,sobs^
felt so guilty that i cant study much during the wkends but then again,i rush to complete thy homework.YAY!not much aniwae,the major presentations and projects were alrdy due last week...hah;)
had my share of cards too..sherlyn's precious special fren(jkjk)eugene cohost wif me to win their little frens money.hah..12bucks each only la..played very small..however,this cld not only compensate what i spent the dae b4 on sat evening wif the mahanas!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe..my wonderful people.

we celebrated shihui's bdae together..soooo happy!hah,boo her wif a cake at the fish and co glasshouse and ate dinner there.LOl.her bf,adraine lied that his cousins were coming..10seats?!hah..stupid dict sounded damn sour everytime i mention kh la..he kept exaggerating what i sae and add words into my mouth.

me: dict, maybe u shld consider tonning ur muscles..girls like that.
dict:haha..u r juz saeing that coz ur kh tonned his muscles..c'mon,look at him not,as skinny as a beanpole.
me:basket, no lor.u r juz envious.-shrugs!
dict tells everyone...GUYS,u kw stacey keep talkin all the gd things abt her bf lor..she juz cant stop.
me:AHHHHHHHHHHH!i did not..my bf is nt perfect.i didnt sae he is.wats ur bloody problem?!
nicole:AH DICT..WHY R U SOO JEALOUS.?
THIS IS JUZ ONE EXAMPLE..we spent the whole dinner bickering abt this..trust me,its not a pleasant sight.decided to attempt to ignore ahdict like wat eevann said.
zzzz..had to take the 30-40mins bus ride home wif him..lol,resorted to reading my duchess of malfi,he got soo bored and cldnt stop blabbering..LOL.we talked and talked..cam-hog a little b4 he sae byebye.sth abt not meeting for another 4mths.?!
weird..
i had a great time wif the mahanas..b4 having to report back to pammy's hse where my parents are and lose 14bucks..ahhh!thank God for sunday at eugene's hse.
in sch now,juz done my lit presentation on MANDRAKES..hah,its actually tongkah ali in malay,i juz found out todae.haha..obsessed wif it now,i mean in literally sense if u ask me.
I AM NOT DIRTY-minded

2008-02-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

damn!my stupid sister downloaded so many anti viruses bug and all the other nonsense which completely slow down the whole com for the past few daes which thus,make me very reluctant to switch on the com to use unless i really really need to..like for a project or hmwk or sth.
i flunked math..zzz,got my third formula wrong!and many careless mistakes.haiz..
m i really that mathematically-declined.?

aniwae,was pretty glad that i gt most of my work done by todae..
-squeezed out 1236words ytd for hist assignment that is due tomorrow..handed in alrdy.
-did pc5 essay template,was told to do the essay in class,complete it alrdy by today.
(did i mention that we have to do a lit essay template every week?yea..there u go!)sigh!
-econs case study to be presented as a group tmr..lol,pratap..our beloved group leader is gonna type out everything today after the tiny discussion we 4 had which i
spent half the time finishing up my lit essay..heh.

things to come tomorrow b4 CNY:
-another lit text-based question essay..gosh!
-history group assignment(essay!)oh my mama!
everyone can tell that im rushing out all these homework so that i can peacefully enjoy my favourite time of the year..yea?not to mention, HONGBAOS!alcohol!

since mahmu told us to be the first group to present on mon,lets juz say..i will submit another remodified history assignment of mine back to him to mark for the wkends..YAY!payback time!a little more evaluation for me and even more work for him!;)

lets juz pray that i wont suffer a hangover on monday..in any case,ZOMBIE STACEY IS COMING her way!
had soo much fun during dinner juz now wif gerry and her crazy class..lots of juicy news and their dirty horny jokes,though some of which..i unwittingly became part of,according to grace..damn,i felt so guilty spending my whole afternoon waiting for them to be dismissed..but it was a great destress period for me la..
wat the shit,i haf a lit workshop to attend on 16 feb,8.30-2.30pm..its a saturday!and every sat is STACEY's day in kianee's diary..(unless some of his stupid soccer games cooped up)darn it!
hmm..very tired and sleepy now..had to help change bedsheet covers with my family and all..gtta go..nitez!

2008-01-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

stacey is very very tired...
i give up...
researching for that trash...stupid MOE webby doesnt show much information..how to find things to write abt education???!!!that essay test is on fridae!!!!ahhhhhh...
i m soooo gna die..
i hope i didnt screw up math todae...practised hard for the test..
i vow to at least a c for math at alvls..might seem impossible now but it gave me the one and only fail grade last yr in promos,it is not gna ruin my life tis yr!
im gonna slp soon..
cant take it..
drama rocks! cca fair and SYF is gna be a BAM!this year..im pretty sure..
no regrets for quittin odac...yet.

2008-01-22T18:32:00.000+08:00

hey yo bloggie and readers!!
latest news abt me:i had a haircut!and am wearing contact lenses now!!!will upload the pics soon
hmmm...juz had a great msn chat wif nick online,tks man!
had an asthma attack ytd in sch,felt soooo congested inside,like as if my lungs can blow up anytime..i was gg to die.
thank u gerry for attempting to send me home to bishan but dear gal,u gt a great class!i wont blame u if u haf to go out wif them..yea?i haf yet to receive ur sms abt u tellin me though..lolx!
went home,i was alone..felt so sick..cldnt slp,cried in pain..wondered where my mummy was when she said shes at j8 an hr an a half ago.called him..felt a little better but lungs still congested.i really cldnt breathe.
did qn2a and 2b of econs essay tutorial in a semi-alive state b4 my mum took me to the family doctor.
thank God i didnt haf to skip sch todae..had lots of tutorial and 3 lectures.juz MC frm PE for a wk...yay!i love PE but i think im growin older and too overworked that my fitness drops...wats more,my asthma is coming on for the worst this time..if im in indonesia now,i probably died from the haze.im dead serious!no joke.i haf two inhalers to use daily for now..
but oh well,todae was alrite..thot i'll b scolded for not finishin my essays but mslim didnt haf time to go thru it and she told me tt my essay was on the right track.really happy:)juz gta read up even more for the scope.
which leaves me wif only pc3 template for lit to finish by next mon!gonna finish it tnite n perhaps,find out more of the scope when i feel like it.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..jc2-revision,homework,more work..
but definitely,im not forgetting my frens..gerry and grace r alwaes there to brighten up my dae...
MAHANAS!WHEN R WE GG OUT FOR DINNER?!
joshy and reagen add meanings into my sad mundane life.
not to mention...0741B and 0743B..we r all in this together!

last but definitely not the least,my dardar..who walk to mrt station wif me every morning,rain or shine..and is probably slogging his guts out for soccer now in cj sadistic tedious trainings b4 meetin me for 15mins-30mins and then gg home.normal routine which we both love.cookies n cream collide!wat do u get,OREO!;P

2008-01-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

its been weeeeeeeeeks since i update tis bloggie!
phew!school has been turning me inside out,upside down...
soooo much work,assignments,revisions...zzzzzzzz

im DYING!!!and wat the freak?its only JANUARY?!
and also coupled by the fact tt my sisters cant stop snatching the com away from me..leaving me too tired or reluctant to use it after 11pm..
managed to find time only tonite while i finished up my econs essay earlier..
dont even kw if i haf to finish up lit..zzzz,ppl bombarding me wif this question..

my darling changed cca to soccer and gt in!!yay..but trainings are like 4 times a wk..my poor baby!so we can only meet for like 15mins to half an hr after his trainings either for a stroll in the park or chat at the playgrd..haiz..!oh well,better than nothing at all,i suppose!

i made tis video at the tagbox pg..do check it out!did it out of boredom..gta go now..sigh!

2008-01-06T12:34:00.000+08:00

HEY!
nah.....i think im gg crazy..
since the first dae of sch,we had a scolding from ms yap abt the poor attendance of lit drama session.apparently,only 8 person turn up on the first dae and 2 ppl on the 2nd session out of the 18 ppl in class..lol,i went for the first,but disappeared on the 2nd.hehe.
thats not all,seems like the agenda on the teachers mind tt dae was to:scold 0743B
all the teachers that stepped into the class knew abt it and started their rantings and naggings..leaving all of us,irritated and frustrated on the first dae.to make matters worse,the teachers began their intense torment and pressure on us abt the facts and reality of JC2.the past three daes left us wif stress,pressure and to b psychologically sick in health..
it is true.
been losing my appetite these daes and to top it all,i vomitted n came down wif a temperature on fri morning during PE and had to go to the sick bay..
juz completed my history research on pakistan-india conflict and assasination of benazir bhutto.my whole wkend of the first wk of sch has been flooded wif thoughts of revision and completing assignments..after church ltr,i had to learn math from my darling who spent 2hrs ytd from 1-3am to complete the worksheets for me after his OG outing.thank you,porkball.;)
i dread the school term...
i dread the week ahead...
haiz.the only responsibility i haf for myself everydae from now is to answer to my conscience on wat i haf conpleted for school and recall any other necessity to prepare for lesson ahead.
in other words...........stress is building in.